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“[Life in the Spirit] There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” -Romans 8:1-2 Listen to chapter

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Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Stupid Steroids

I finished Cyber Knife radio surgery on April 4, but needed to continue steroids to counteract any possible edema from the radiation.

I had been on steroids (Dexamethasone or Dex) since December, and they were taking a toll on my body and on my family. I expected to gain weight, so that wasn't the most wretched part of the medication. I lost hair--- patches of it--- and even that wasn't the worst thing. What was difficult were the psychological effects--- depression, anxiety, and apathy. I literally could not think. My head felt like it was literally spinning. I could not multi-task (I started making dinner at 3:00 p.m. just to have it ready by 6:30 p.m.!) I developed Cushing's Syndrome (odd weight gain--- round face, hump on upper back, stomach bloating) and had horrible insomnia. I did not dare drive, and didn't for 7 months. The only positive thing I can think of over these months is that it gave me hours of free time, starting at about 2:30 a.m.! Getting through the rest of the home schooling day was difficult--- I was so tired. It is only by the grace of God that I could continue taking care of my family.

I should not have needed to be on Dex for as long as I was--- but it wasn't the doctor's fault. I do have a crazy system. I have never been one to do well with medication, and avoid it whenever possible. If anyone can have a paradoxical effect with medication, it will be me! Every time! Unfortunately, every time Dr. Kresl tried to lower my dose of steroid, I would develop neurologic symptoms. Twice, I went in for repeat MRIs, thinking I had experienced another bleed. But it was not the case--- and I was very embarrassed. I felt like a hypochondriac. It wasn't until later that I understood that for some people, if tapering isn't done very slowly, they can develop what seem to be neurological symptoms--- but they aren't. The symptoms are caused by the body reacting to a reduction of steroids. It is almost like your body going though a type of withdrawal. It is wretched. All of this may have been further aggravated by the fact that I am hypo thyroid, and on medications for that condition.

One horrible day, I had an appointment with my endocrinologist for routine thyroid follow-up. I remember sitting in my endocrinologist's office saying, "I feel like I'm losing my mind!" That was the last day of Dexamethasone for me. This doctor knew me well enough--- she immediately knew something was amiss. Dr. Bailey told me that some people become psychotic on Dex. Great. I sure didn't want to become that person, but I could sense a dramatic change in my personality. Dr. Bailey, after consulting with Dr. Kresl, switched me to Prednisone, and started a new tapering regime. From then on, Dr. Bailey handled my medication. Thank you, Jesus. That change in medication started my healing.

Although tapering on Prednisone was still not easy, I felt significantly better just getting off "Demon Dex" as I now like to call it. Within 2 days of being on Prednisone, I felt like I had been "unplugged." I could now rest and sleep. To this day, I am on 5 m.g. of Prednisone, waiting for my adrenal system to repair itself. And I am feeling much better! I haven't lost a bit of weight and that upsets me, but I figure I'd rather be alive and fat than dead and thin!  Dex may have been necessary, but it was the worst part of my entire treatment.




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