Verse of the Day

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Grief and Sleeping at Almost 10 Months

If you've ever lost a dear loved one, you know how it feels... the grief sneaks up on you at times you don't expect.

Last night was one of those times. My sweet Mr. B. wept bitter tears last night; he now mourns the loss of the memories of his beloved birth mother, Galani. It pains him to no longer remember her--- what she was like, what she cared about, what she spoke of. His tears literally stained the photo.

I held him, rocked him, prayed for him, and cried with him. What finally got him to stop weeping was the strong, loving arms of Daddy. We both held him tightly for what seemed an eternity. Poor, sweet, Mr. B.! What we would do to alleviate his pain! It's funny how pain bonds people together, though, making their relationships infinitely more stable and trusting.

This last cycle of grief gives me a better understanding of why Mr. B. has such difficulty sleeping. Yes, we have found temporary "fixes" for sleep; the latest, best remedy being headphones with music in bed. But the bottom line is this: B. hates being still or quiet or alone for any length of time simply because he doesn't want to think or to feel. He keeps himself busy, much like any of us would when we don't wish to deal with something.

Lord, give me the wisdom, the strength, and the new skills I need to be the best possible mother for my dear children. Teach me what I need to know to love truly and wholly.


  1. Oh Kristin...that just made me cry. As moms I think we'd cry those same profound tears that our kids would perhaps not remember what we were like...cared about...loved them.
    God bless you and Glenn for being strong arms and hearts to hold Ben.
    Love, love - Carolyn

  2. Kristin,

    I, too, have experienced similiar happenings in our home with my eldest. My prayers are with you, and especially Ben.


  3. oh my heart hurts for your sweet boy. praying for heavenly comfort.