One of my dear friends sent me a link to a Family Life Radio talk show that featured Karyn B. Purvis, Ph.D., author of "The Connected Child." Dr. Purvis participated in three separate discussions; my favorite was the segment on parental expectations during adoption.
The first thing that hit me... like any "normal" mom... was a certain amount of guilt. Gosh, I didn't do everything "right" with our first adoption. I reacted to many situations with Miss B., as opposed to responding or redirecting her in an affirming way. I had read tons of books on adjustment during adoption, but was simply not prepared with enough of an arsenal of adjustment/bonding techniques. I think I had a more difficult time bonding with Miss B. than she did with me. That was my error, and in hindsight, I should have had the maturity to recognize this. Some things only come with experience.
That being said, I believe it is vital to be in connection with other adoptive parents. Why make lots of mistakes when you can learn from the experiences of others? Had I been in a support group of some sort, I would venture to guess that the bonding and discipline issues with Miss B. would have been less traumatic for both of us.
Look for someone who has already been down the adoption road before; someone whose family is thriving and positive. I will often shoot off an email to many adoptive moms--- asking questions regarding anything from food to discipline. Not only will these parents stand with you and support you, but they will also pray for you. Prayer is so crucial to your success in learning to manage newly transplanted children. Of course, connecting with others will also help you to know that you are not alone.
I hope you enjoy listening to the attached program. I also noticed that Family Life also has many, many shows in archives regarding adoption. Looks like a positive resource!
http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=3832113&ct=8035701&from=hpbrooadcastbox
The first thing that hit me... like any "normal" mom... was a certain amount of guilt. Gosh, I didn't do everything "right" with our first adoption. I reacted to many situations with Miss B., as opposed to responding or redirecting her in an affirming way. I had read tons of books on adjustment during adoption, but was simply not prepared with enough of an arsenal of adjustment/bonding techniques. I think I had a more difficult time bonding with Miss B. than she did with me. That was my error, and in hindsight, I should have had the maturity to recognize this. Some things only come with experience.
That being said, I believe it is vital to be in connection with other adoptive parents. Why make lots of mistakes when you can learn from the experiences of others? Had I been in a support group of some sort, I would venture to guess that the bonding and discipline issues with Miss B. would have been less traumatic for both of us.
Look for someone who has already been down the adoption road before; someone whose family is thriving and positive. I will often shoot off an email to many adoptive moms--- asking questions regarding anything from food to discipline. Not only will these parents stand with you and support you, but they will also pray for you. Prayer is so crucial to your success in learning to manage newly transplanted children. Of course, connecting with others will also help you to know that you are not alone.
I hope you enjoy listening to the attached program. I also noticed that Family Life also has many, many shows in archives regarding adoption. Looks like a positive resource!
http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=3832113&ct=8035701&from=hpbrooadcastbox
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