Reality check time... it's already nine months! Glad my expectations have changed radically!
On the positive front:
School: The kids are adjusting very well to a longer school day. We now get in at least 4 hours of instruction everyday, plus we do some additional individual reading. All of the new kids are starting to read! Additionally, I have done a few different classes lately, just to keep it new and hopefully, a bit more exciting. For example, we are doing a unit on basic geography--- learning directions, working with maps, etc. This has been one of their favorite subjects, as they enjoy the "Geography Songs" CD that we use with the worksheets. We have also completed a unit on manners, which will need to be repeated.... I introduced table manners, making proper introductions, and telephone answering basics. All the kids have an interest in learning to do some basic cooking. That sounds like another fun unit!
Sleep: I finally found the magic bullet that works to quiet the two talkative boys: soccer deprivation! It is the only threat that has continued to work effectively. If a boy is found talking and playing in his room after we say prayers, that child does not get to participate in whatever soccer-related event is next. If that offender has a game the next day, he has to go to the game and sit on the sidelines. He also has to apologize to the coach, and explain why he is not allowed to participate. Thus far, and it has been 3 weeks, neither boy has talked at night time. The cost is simply too high. And they know I'm not joking.
Affection: The kids are wonderfully affectionate! They love giving and receiving hugs, and they are quick to forgive and forget when someone hurts them or if they get in trouble with Mom or Dad. In particular, the youngest is just a sweetheart! He loves to sit next to me and "pets" my hand and puts his head on my shoulder. He just melts my heart. In general, the kids seem very happy and relaxed. They do stress over things and do not worry.
Understanding Money: For each of my 4 youngest, I purchased a three-section bank that has separate compartments for spending, saving, and giving. I give the kids a small allowance, and they are required to immediately divide the money between the banks. This has really helped them to understand the value of money. They love giving to church, and look forward to doing this every week.
On the difficult front:
Food: One child remains unbelievable fussy. He can get quite sad and extremely stubborn if food is not what he wants. The other major issue we are dealing with is wasting food. I want them to know we have plenty of food, and I want them to know they can have as much as they need... but then they also have hard time understanding that food is expensive and should not be carelessly wasted. Just a learning process, I'm sure--- but frustrating when you're trying to control the ever-climbing food bill.
Sunday School: The older two are causing problems in the classroom because of excessive talking and not listening. They have each been put in time-out in class. They don't seem to understand that they are being disrespectful and that they hamper the learning of the other kids. Soooo thankful we home school, as I'm pretty sure their inattention and disruptive tactics would not be tolerated in a public school setting.
Soccer: The same two who can't control their mouths in Sunday school also can't control their mouths on the soccer field. Today, I gave our sweet coach permission to do whatever was necessary to curb the disrespect. He liked the idea of push-ups and laps.
Meanness: Girls can be quite mean. I can handle it when it happens in our own home, but it is much more frustrating when it happens in public. One little lady loves to yell at people what they can and cannot do--- and she can't understand why other girls get offended and yell at her. She lacks tact in a big way! We have had a few days of very early bedtimes, trying to help her understand the connection between her mouth and how others respond to her. Could be a long battle. She doesn't understand that she can back down from her survivor-mode; she doesn't have to fight for everything.
Early Maturation: Both my 8 year olds are starting puberty. Bummer for the entire household.
Birthdays: The three new kids celebrated birthdays this month. For one, it proved to be a difficult and sad time. We tried to really downplay the whole thing, but it was just hard. Events that we might consider happy and joyful often produce the opposite for our kids. I am so thankful that all of the adoption training classes and books prepared me for this aspect. I know not to expect my kids to react how I might want them to.
Discipline: One child in particular loves to challenge everything I say--- thankfully not every day, but on some hormonally-charged days. When I discipline that little one, she responds with a smirk or a smile. Not exactly the kind of response I'm going for.... I have to really think: "Don't take this personally, don't take this personally!" over and over in my mind. Wish I could be the perfect parent, but that's just not going to be my reality.
I pray that this update is not discouraging to anyone contemplating older child adoption. I think the most important issue to remember is that you, as the parent, have to be unbelievable resilient and constantly ready to learn something new. You HAVE to be in the Word every single day, sometimes multiple times a day! I find that I make lots of parenting mistakes, but that when I go to my God and seek wisdom, and then go to my children and humbly apologize for blowing something, they just respond with love and forgiveness. We all learn from mistakes, not smooth-sailing.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
A Desperate Situation and a Plea for Help
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| Lalibela, Ethiopia: In the tukul that is now burned to the ground |
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| Kassa, our wonderful tour guide: red shirt |
The top photo is Kassa's family. Kassa not only took us through all the sights in Lalibela, but he also invited us in to his tukul. There, we met his father (in photo, with hat), his mother (seated next to me), and his sister. These people are extremely poor, yet they invited us into their home to eat a snack and enjoy some delicious coffee. They were very dear people.
I have recently learned that Kassa's father and mother were killed in a house fire. In fact, seven tukuls were completely destroyed by a fire that swept through the area in the middle of the night. His sister is in a nearby hospital; I still have not heard about the extent of her burns.
Kassa emailed me, asking for help. He had a desperate tone: he now has nothing, and has nobody to turn to for assistance. He is responsible for paying for his sister's medical bills, and for helping her to restart her life. Kassa also lived in this house, so now he, too, is homeless.
I have verified the validity of this story through a third party in Lalibela.
If you are moved by this story, please consider coming along side our family to help Kassa.
Email me if you would like my address to send a donation. Please include your email address.
This is the letter Kassa sent me:
Hello my dearest mother K., How are you and your family? I really don’t know what to say about my situation everything here is against me. I have this bad news to tell you.I fell like I am cursed. There was an accident last week. There was fire accident and our house is burnt. The bad thing is my father and mother could not escape and have lost their life. Some fourteen houses were burnt because of the fire accident. Many peoples were victim of the accident,seven people including my parents died and five were seriously injured, it is my sister among the seriously injured one. As the accident was in the night most of the victims could not escape safe. I have no words to tell you how hurt I am because of the lose. I lost my parents our property and here I am thinking about my sister. she is referred to Dessie hospital 300 kms away from Lalibela for further medical assistance. We are not sure how it helps her recover. However, dear mother Kristen,I don’t have any thing to cover thecost for the medical expense. I fell like I am in the middle of nowhere. my Dearest K., you have done everything for me when you were in the Lalibela. I want you to help me now save my sister. I have lost everything. She is the only one I have now. Please for God’s sake help me have her. May be I will get her recovered.Even, if not I fell, at least, like I did everything to save her and I won’t feel anything. ut I need your favor. I want you to send me money so that I can take her and buy some materials we lost by he accident. mother K., I wish I could tell you everything I need but I feel like I am bothering you,but if you are willing to hear it. I need a lot of things for life.I have to begin again. It is from zero that I start now. I need some one to help me and show me the bright future.Would you please take some courage and tell me that you stand by my side? For God sake. words really fail me to express my sorrow. I am no one without your support. Please save our life. I will be looking forward your reply soon. God Bless You all Yours Kassa.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sickness and Sadness
A virus of some sort has invaded the household: headache, sore throat, nasal and chest congestion--- the typical late summer, early fall bug. These viruses are more of a nuisance than a threat. I don't worry about a cold developing into something fearful and deadly. All I need to do is monitor my kids' temperatures, measure the Motrin, hand out extra vitamin C, and pray for healing. I know I can take my child to a physician if I need to; I'm not all that concerned about them... it's only a bad cold.
Try telling that to a child who equates sickness with death. Mr. B. was crying last night: was his little brother going to die? Poor, sweet B.! He wailed with fear and anxiety. I tried to settle him, reassuring him that Asher only had a cold and that he would, in fact, recover. Daddy also talked with him--- in this incidence the "doctor" was able to convince him that all would be well.
This afternoon, Miss G. asked me if she would die because she had a sore throat.
These kids have witnessed so much sickness and death. They've seen people in their own families die, usually after developing a cough and fever. How long will it take for these kids to be able to comprehend the vast difference between American health care and the virtually non-existent health care of Ethiopia?
Did you know there are only 0.0286 physicians for every 1,000 people (Nationmaster.com) in Ethiopia that has population of over 85 million people? Compare our statistics: The United States has 2.3 physicians per 1,000 people (CIA World Fact book) and population of approximately 310 million... and we are said to be entering a time of "physician shortages." Talk about a stark contrast in health care access!
The next time you casually pour the liquid Motrin for your febrile child, be thankful that your were born where you were born. Be thankful for all that you have access to. Be thankful for physicians, dentists, pharmacists, and medicine. And then when you have a moment, start to think about what you could do in addition to being thankful. Let's look beyond our own lives and our own children; consider for just a moment how you might be able to make someone else's life a little better.
Need ideas? See http://www.ywamethiopia.com/humanitarian_programs.php
Try telling that to a child who equates sickness with death. Mr. B. was crying last night: was his little brother going to die? Poor, sweet B.! He wailed with fear and anxiety. I tried to settle him, reassuring him that Asher only had a cold and that he would, in fact, recover. Daddy also talked with him--- in this incidence the "doctor" was able to convince him that all would be well.
This afternoon, Miss G. asked me if she would die because she had a sore throat.
These kids have witnessed so much sickness and death. They've seen people in their own families die, usually after developing a cough and fever. How long will it take for these kids to be able to comprehend the vast difference between American health care and the virtually non-existent health care of Ethiopia?
Did you know there are only 0.0286 physicians for every 1,000 people (Nationmaster.com) in Ethiopia that has population of over 85 million people? Compare our statistics: The United States has 2.3 physicians per 1,000 people (CIA World Fact book) and population of approximately 310 million... and we are said to be entering a time of "physician shortages." Talk about a stark contrast in health care access!
The next time you casually pour the liquid Motrin for your febrile child, be thankful that your were born where you were born. Be thankful for all that you have access to. Be thankful for physicians, dentists, pharmacists, and medicine. And then when you have a moment, start to think about what you could do in addition to being thankful. Let's look beyond our own lives and our own children; consider for just a moment how you might be able to make someone else's life a little better.
Need ideas? See http://www.ywamethiopia.com/humanitarian_programs.php
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Hollywood D-Man
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| D-Man meets Mike Chat
D-Man had a blast today, working out with Mike Chat--- founder of XMA (Extreme Martial Arts). Some of you may remember Mr. Chat as the Blue Power Ranger from a few years ago. This workout certainly fostered D.'s desire to learn all the crazy flips and kicks that XMA enthusiasts enjoy. Needless to say, D-Man thinks it would be awesome to do Hollywood stunt work. Great.
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Happy 9th Birthday, Mr. B.!
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| Brothers of Mischief |
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| Mr. B. loves being the center of attention! |
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| The race track was a big hit... although it is already in need of repair |
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| Notice anything different? |
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Happy Birthday, Sweet Mr. A.!
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| Mr. A. is a bit subdued on his special day |
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| Miss B. and D-Man trying to get the party to lighten up |
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| Life just seems better with a little frosting |
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| Sibs |
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| Ohhh... |
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| Birthdays are just all right, especially with orange soda |
Mr. A. celebrated his seventh birthday today. Everyone was quite excited about the day... with the exception of the birthday boy himself. Asher was quite subdued the entire day; perhaps his little heart was having difficulty balancing missing his Ethiopian family, and appreciating what he now calls home. He couldn't really explain (or understand, I'm guessing) why he felt sad. Poor baby; my heart just broke for him today. Thank the Lord for frosting and orange soda. They provided some much needed emotional band-aids for the day.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
No Progress, No Matter
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Some days are just plain dismal. You feel like you're on the open sea on a sailboat--- with no wind in sight. The sun is beating down on your sunburned head; you're thirsty, hungry, and desperately tired. But you can't sleep. You have to keep trying... keep praying. What's going on? You know where you're supposed to be going; in fact, you have a compass and timeline--- the whole itinerary spelled out, step by step. But your sails are just hanging there, doing nothing. Your shipmates are totally oblivious to your apparent struggle; they sing and frolic and throw the last tidbits of food over board to feed the fish. Nothing, nobody is cooperating; in fact, they seem to be coming against you with some extraordinary kind of negative force. You just sit there, feeling like you've made no progress. In fact, you feel like you've gone backwards a ways.
We've all been in that place of frustration and anxiety. Raising children challenges every person, whether you've had one child or raised fifteen. Some days you feel like nothing you do is productive, or listened to, or considered. Your kids don't share your excitement for learning or for trying to learn--- they ignore, challenge, pout, argue, disobey, lie, and cheat... with a smile. Sigh. Such is life with a bunch of rambunctious children! Some days it does seem like three steps forward, two steps back.
But even in the scenario of three steps forward, two steps back, I have to somehow remember that there is still a net progress of one step! The kids are still continuing to made steps forward... they just aren't at the pace or in the timing I would appreciate.
Expectations and comparisons. These is the clear problems here. We expect, or hope, that our adopted children will act the same way our biological children did. We expect, or hope, that our adopted children will learn at a certain pace, or show some sort of appreciation of what you do for them. This is simply not necessarily the case.
I realize there are people out there who believe that raising older adoptive children is the same as raising older biological children. It is not. I've done both... it is not. One is not better than the other; they are just different. With your biological children, you have such privileged information: you know their temperaments, you know their fears, you know their experiences, you know how they learn. With older adopted kids, you are not dealing with a "clean slate." You have to be a detective and piece together the history, the hurts, the injustices, the anxieties, the emotions of years that you do not have access to.
Because we can't flip back and review our child's history, sometimes it just shocks you at the seemingly trivial issues that make your child lose control. And to add to the challenge, the practices and disciplines you used as a parent with your first kids don't necessarily translate; you have to make a constant effort to re-educate and re-train your parenting and teaching brain. Sometimes what "works" is down right counter-intuitive. Parenting older adoptive kids takes considerable effort, perseverance, commitment, and prayer to endure.
Which takes me back to prayer. I honestly don't know how people raise children without praying continuously. I know I don't have all the answers, but I do know the One who knows everything! And, I know that I know that I know that anything the Lord gives me to do, He will give me the ability to do it. But... He does not promise that the task will be easy, enjoyable, smooth-sailing, or that it will even meet my definition of success.
One of the most encouraging quotes I've read lately comes from the book, "Back to Jerusalem," by Brother Yun, Peter Xu Yongze, and Enoch Wang:
...let us clarify from the beginning that we have no desire to sit down and make our own plans. We only want to hear the voice of God and not human opinions, for we know that when the Lord reveals his will to us and we obey, our mission will be a success regardless of the results. Success is obeying God. Failure is when we don't obey God (p 79).
So, although the day appears dismal, it truly is not. If I continue to take one day at a time, pray for wisdom, teach my kids, learn with my kids--- all with a humble reverence to our Lord-- He will make my path straight. My kids' lives are truly and totally in His hands. If I just continue to listen and obey Him, I can give Him my all. My children's success, or lack there of--- and how ever that success is defined-- ultimately rests with the Lord. They are His children.
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24, NIV)
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)
Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2)
Some days are just plain dismal. You feel like you're on the open sea on a sailboat--- with no wind in sight. The sun is beating down on your sunburned head; you're thirsty, hungry, and desperately tired. But you can't sleep. You have to keep trying... keep praying. What's going on? You know where you're supposed to be going; in fact, you have a compass and timeline--- the whole itinerary spelled out, step by step. But your sails are just hanging there, doing nothing. Your shipmates are totally oblivious to your apparent struggle; they sing and frolic and throw the last tidbits of food over board to feed the fish. Nothing, nobody is cooperating; in fact, they seem to be coming against you with some extraordinary kind of negative force. You just sit there, feeling like you've made no progress. In fact, you feel like you've gone backwards a ways.
We've all been in that place of frustration and anxiety. Raising children challenges every person, whether you've had one child or raised fifteen. Some days you feel like nothing you do is productive, or listened to, or considered. Your kids don't share your excitement for learning or for trying to learn--- they ignore, challenge, pout, argue, disobey, lie, and cheat... with a smile. Sigh. Such is life with a bunch of rambunctious children! Some days it does seem like three steps forward, two steps back.
But even in the scenario of three steps forward, two steps back, I have to somehow remember that there is still a net progress of one step! The kids are still continuing to made steps forward... they just aren't at the pace or in the timing I would appreciate.
Expectations and comparisons. These is the clear problems here. We expect, or hope, that our adopted children will act the same way our biological children did. We expect, or hope, that our adopted children will learn at a certain pace, or show some sort of appreciation of what you do for them. This is simply not necessarily the case.
I realize there are people out there who believe that raising older adoptive children is the same as raising older biological children. It is not. I've done both... it is not. One is not better than the other; they are just different. With your biological children, you have such privileged information: you know their temperaments, you know their fears, you know their experiences, you know how they learn. With older adopted kids, you are not dealing with a "clean slate." You have to be a detective and piece together the history, the hurts, the injustices, the anxieties, the emotions of years that you do not have access to.
Because we can't flip back and review our child's history, sometimes it just shocks you at the seemingly trivial issues that make your child lose control. And to add to the challenge, the practices and disciplines you used as a parent with your first kids don't necessarily translate; you have to make a constant effort to re-educate and re-train your parenting and teaching brain. Sometimes what "works" is down right counter-intuitive. Parenting older adoptive kids takes considerable effort, perseverance, commitment, and prayer to endure.
Which takes me back to prayer. I honestly don't know how people raise children without praying continuously. I know I don't have all the answers, but I do know the One who knows everything! And, I know that I know that I know that anything the Lord gives me to do, He will give me the ability to do it. But... He does not promise that the task will be easy, enjoyable, smooth-sailing, or that it will even meet my definition of success.
One of the most encouraging quotes I've read lately comes from the book, "Back to Jerusalem," by Brother Yun, Peter Xu Yongze, and Enoch Wang:
...let us clarify from the beginning that we have no desire to sit down and make our own plans. We only want to hear the voice of God and not human opinions, for we know that when the Lord reveals his will to us and we obey, our mission will be a success regardless of the results. Success is obeying God. Failure is when we don't obey God (p 79).
So, although the day appears dismal, it truly is not. If I continue to take one day at a time, pray for wisdom, teach my kids, learn with my kids--- all with a humble reverence to our Lord-- He will make my path straight. My kids' lives are truly and totally in His hands. If I just continue to listen and obey Him, I can give Him my all. My children's success, or lack there of--- and how ever that success is defined-- ultimately rests with the Lord. They are His children.
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24, NIV)
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)
Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Babies No More
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| T-Man and the girl he's "not dating." |
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| Sweet Friends |
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| Ah, perhaps I do prefer the photo of T-Man with a girl.... |
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| Good friends from church |
Friday, August 27, 2010
Eight Month Update
Our sweet babies have been home for eight months already! I was astonished to look at the calendar and see it was time for another update. Finding the time for the blog has been a bit more of a challenge as of late; but, like the saying goes, you always find the time to do the things you like. And I do like to write.
Food Issues: The youngest still remains fairly stubborn with food. He is much better about trying new items, although I have now been finding food thrown on the floor. This child also still dislikes milk, yogurt, ice cream, and chocolate. I wonder if he'll ever like them. I have started buying orange juice with calcium.
The older two eat most foods, although vegetables have lost much of their allure. On the positive side, the older two now consume a protein shake every day. They have had no problems digesting the protein, and they have grown a lot!
Fruit has gone up again on their priority list. I have had to start limiting their intake. Thankfully, this restriction has not made them feel deprived or agitated. I always try to look for a way to say "yes" to something. For example, if my youngest requests a snack and it's immediately before dinner I'll say "you can't eat it now, but go ahead and put it in your pocket and you can have it after we eat." That way, his potential fear of not having food is eliminated.
Now, on the flip side is my Guatemalan daughter. I have had to limit her intake of food. Particularly at dinner time, she always asked for seconds of the starch. She gets angry and resentful when she sees her older teenage brothers eat whatever they want. Because her weight-height ratio is seriously out of whack, I am trying to get her to slow her eating. I give her an age-appropriate serving, and require that she eat all of her food and then wait a few minutes (5-10) before giving her more. Ever time I've asked her to do that, she declines a second serving. Lesson learned: slow down the eating, and wait. In my days at Jenny Craig, I remember that it takes the brain about 20 minutes to receive the message from the stomach that enough food has been consumed. When a person eats too quickly, a person usually overeats. Let's hope this simple strategy makes a difference. I also want to try having her drink a full glass of water prior to eating; just haven't remembered to do that one yet.
Medical: Glasses have proven to be the missing link in G.'s education! Her attention span, energy level, and learning rate is vastly improved.
Also on a positive note: the oldest boy is no longer terrified of the dentist. That intense fear and panic proved to be a issue of communication. Now that he can understand what procedure is going to be done on his teeth, he is no longer fearful.
The only other change is that the youngest (the milk hating one) has significant problems with his permanent teeth. The new teeth are riddled with visible holes. Our dentist told us that it was due to significant malnutrition, either during pregnancy or in early development. Our little one had to have 4 front teeth "painted" with a bonding material. He will have to avoid dark drinks so that the uncovered tooth surface stays the same color as the bonding material. It appears as if all the new teeth coming in have this problem. I am thankful that we have great dental insurance!
Sleep: It dawned on me today that the kids' dreams are very different from when they came home. Initially, dreams were fearful and sad. Now, their dreams are exciting--- with good, happy, or positive endings. Interestingly, the oldest boy's dreams are mainly about rescuing family members from scary situations. He and his older brother are always the heroes!
The negative with sleep: how can I get the boys to stop talking at night? We have a regular bedtime routine; yet there remain times when they are still up 'til 11 00 p.m. Drives me nuts.
Behavior: The new kids quickly revert to hyperactive ways when not in a predictable routine. Fortunately during school, their lives are pretty routine. They get up at the same time, work for a scheduled time, eat at the same times, etc. The older boy remains the most hyper. I have to constantly monitor his activity: the more he does during the day, the more hyper he becomes. When he starts fighting with his sibs, I usually find the time (or Daddy does) to take him out of the house for a while. Just taking him to the grocery store with me for a half hour does a world of good for this high energy child! With him, I have to make the assumption that some of his hyperactivity is because he had more time to just run wild in Ethiopia; bad habits are hard to break. He can be very lazy and wants to take the easy way out for most things. But I also think it is just because he lived for so long in a stressful situation. It is just going to take a lot of time for his system to gear down. I am already seeing great strides in this direction; he's just not quite where he needs to be.
I have seen a resurgence of lying as of late. It is interesting to note that we have been studying Scriptures on lying and truth telling, and reading books on learning to treat others the way you want to be treated. I see it as an opportunity to put the lessons we learn into action. I am thankful that the kids are now making the connection between action and consequence.
In general, the kids' ability to focus and complete a task is greatly improved. Yet, my nickname is "Sarg." I have to be so very consistent and proactive. I have also found when the kids start "cat fighting" as I call it, or squabbling over silly things, I just say,"drop and give me 10." That means ten push-ups or sit-ups. At first I don't think they believed it was much of a way to discipline... but after having to do many sets of exercises every day, I'm seeing the bickering a bit less often.
School: Because the kids' attention span is improving, I have slowly tried to lengthen the school day. Here is our sample schedule for the new kids:
8:00 a.m. Wake up
8:20-8:45 Breakfast, chores
8:45-9:00 Brushing teeth, doing hair
9:00-9:30 a.m. Family devotions
9:30-9:45 a.m. Short story with a moral ("Help Me Be Good" series is great)
9:45-10:00 a.m. Calendar work, oral recitation of months, days, counting, etc.
10:00 Snack
10:15-11:00 Math
11:00-11:45 a.m. Phonics and reading
11:45-12:00 a.m. Puzzles, games, coloring
12:00-1:00 p.m. Lunch
1:00-1:45 Califone cards for vocabulary, math music, and/or audio book
(we also do about 30-45 minutes of reading before bedtime)
I have ordered a couple of additional work books for penmanship and for health, and hope to add that to the day within a week or so. I am trying to find subjects that I can also involve Blanca in.
I have been extremely pleased with the Touchphonics system for teaching phonics and reading. The kids get through one story a week, and do plenty of hands-on letter building exercises. By the end of the week, the kids are reading a short story! I use so many different ways to teach the same ideas that the kids don't get bored with the schedule; I think they enjoy school.
Again, the oldest boy is having the greatest difficulty in school, but I don't think that will last long. He is very sensitive to being what he interprets as a bit slower than the other kids; I am very deliberate with verbal encouragement and also doing more individualized out-loud reading with him so that the kids stop comparing their progress. Such competitive little creatures!
All of the kids are easily doing Saxon Grade 1. I am very happy with their quick progress and understanding of the material.
Family Relations: The kids' relationships with family members continues to improve. The kids are slowly gaining more respect for others' property. They are starting to "snoop" less through their sibling's rooms, and are taking better care of their own belongings. In general, they still do better with fewer clothes, fewer toys, less "stuff." But then again, wouldn't we all?
All the kids are quite affectionate. Even the oldest is warming up more; he lets me hug him a little longer these days. They all think Daddy is the greatest dad ever. They simply love him like nothin' else!
New Favorite Books, or recently re-discovered favorites:
"Our 24 Family Ways, A Family Devotional Guide," by Clay Clarkson
"Parenting with Scripture," by Kara Durbin
"The Best of Woof," by Danae Dobson
"I Can Draw Animals," and "I Can Draw People," by Usborne Playtime
Great Website for kids in kindergarten: starfall.com
Hope this post is encouraging! It helps me, as well, to recall just how far and how fast they've grown and matured. To God be the glory!
Food Issues: The youngest still remains fairly stubborn with food. He is much better about trying new items, although I have now been finding food thrown on the floor. This child also still dislikes milk, yogurt, ice cream, and chocolate. I wonder if he'll ever like them. I have started buying orange juice with calcium.
The older two eat most foods, although vegetables have lost much of their allure. On the positive side, the older two now consume a protein shake every day. They have had no problems digesting the protein, and they have grown a lot!
Fruit has gone up again on their priority list. I have had to start limiting their intake. Thankfully, this restriction has not made them feel deprived or agitated. I always try to look for a way to say "yes" to something. For example, if my youngest requests a snack and it's immediately before dinner I'll say "you can't eat it now, but go ahead and put it in your pocket and you can have it after we eat." That way, his potential fear of not having food is eliminated.
Now, on the flip side is my Guatemalan daughter. I have had to limit her intake of food. Particularly at dinner time, she always asked for seconds of the starch. She gets angry and resentful when she sees her older teenage brothers eat whatever they want. Because her weight-height ratio is seriously out of whack, I am trying to get her to slow her eating. I give her an age-appropriate serving, and require that she eat all of her food and then wait a few minutes (5-10) before giving her more. Ever time I've asked her to do that, she declines a second serving. Lesson learned: slow down the eating, and wait. In my days at Jenny Craig, I remember that it takes the brain about 20 minutes to receive the message from the stomach that enough food has been consumed. When a person eats too quickly, a person usually overeats. Let's hope this simple strategy makes a difference. I also want to try having her drink a full glass of water prior to eating; just haven't remembered to do that one yet.
Medical: Glasses have proven to be the missing link in G.'s education! Her attention span, energy level, and learning rate is vastly improved.
Also on a positive note: the oldest boy is no longer terrified of the dentist. That intense fear and panic proved to be a issue of communication. Now that he can understand what procedure is going to be done on his teeth, he is no longer fearful.
The only other change is that the youngest (the milk hating one) has significant problems with his permanent teeth. The new teeth are riddled with visible holes. Our dentist told us that it was due to significant malnutrition, either during pregnancy or in early development. Our little one had to have 4 front teeth "painted" with a bonding material. He will have to avoid dark drinks so that the uncovered tooth surface stays the same color as the bonding material. It appears as if all the new teeth coming in have this problem. I am thankful that we have great dental insurance!
Sleep: It dawned on me today that the kids' dreams are very different from when they came home. Initially, dreams were fearful and sad. Now, their dreams are exciting--- with good, happy, or positive endings. Interestingly, the oldest boy's dreams are mainly about rescuing family members from scary situations. He and his older brother are always the heroes!
The negative with sleep: how can I get the boys to stop talking at night? We have a regular bedtime routine; yet there remain times when they are still up 'til 11 00 p.m. Drives me nuts.
Behavior: The new kids quickly revert to hyperactive ways when not in a predictable routine. Fortunately during school, their lives are pretty routine. They get up at the same time, work for a scheduled time, eat at the same times, etc. The older boy remains the most hyper. I have to constantly monitor his activity: the more he does during the day, the more hyper he becomes. When he starts fighting with his sibs, I usually find the time (or Daddy does) to take him out of the house for a while. Just taking him to the grocery store with me for a half hour does a world of good for this high energy child! With him, I have to make the assumption that some of his hyperactivity is because he had more time to just run wild in Ethiopia; bad habits are hard to break. He can be very lazy and wants to take the easy way out for most things. But I also think it is just because he lived for so long in a stressful situation. It is just going to take a lot of time for his system to gear down. I am already seeing great strides in this direction; he's just not quite where he needs to be.
I have seen a resurgence of lying as of late. It is interesting to note that we have been studying Scriptures on lying and truth telling, and reading books on learning to treat others the way you want to be treated. I see it as an opportunity to put the lessons we learn into action. I am thankful that the kids are now making the connection between action and consequence.
In general, the kids' ability to focus and complete a task is greatly improved. Yet, my nickname is "Sarg." I have to be so very consistent and proactive. I have also found when the kids start "cat fighting" as I call it, or squabbling over silly things, I just say,"drop and give me 10." That means ten push-ups or sit-ups. At first I don't think they believed it was much of a way to discipline... but after having to do many sets of exercises every day, I'm seeing the bickering a bit less often.
School: Because the kids' attention span is improving, I have slowly tried to lengthen the school day. Here is our sample schedule for the new kids:
8:00 a.m. Wake up
8:20-8:45 Breakfast, chores
8:45-9:00 Brushing teeth, doing hair
9:00-9:30 a.m. Family devotions
9:30-9:45 a.m. Short story with a moral ("Help Me Be Good" series is great)
9:45-10:00 a.m. Calendar work, oral recitation of months, days, counting, etc.
10:00 Snack
10:15-11:00 Math
11:00-11:45 a.m. Phonics and reading
11:45-12:00 a.m. Puzzles, games, coloring
12:00-1:00 p.m. Lunch
1:00-1:45 Califone cards for vocabulary, math music, and/or audio book
(we also do about 30-45 minutes of reading before bedtime)
I have ordered a couple of additional work books for penmanship and for health, and hope to add that to the day within a week or so. I am trying to find subjects that I can also involve Blanca in.
I have been extremely pleased with the Touchphonics system for teaching phonics and reading. The kids get through one story a week, and do plenty of hands-on letter building exercises. By the end of the week, the kids are reading a short story! I use so many different ways to teach the same ideas that the kids don't get bored with the schedule; I think they enjoy school.
Again, the oldest boy is having the greatest difficulty in school, but I don't think that will last long. He is very sensitive to being what he interprets as a bit slower than the other kids; I am very deliberate with verbal encouragement and also doing more individualized out-loud reading with him so that the kids stop comparing their progress. Such competitive little creatures!
All of the kids are easily doing Saxon Grade 1. I am very happy with their quick progress and understanding of the material.
Family Relations: The kids' relationships with family members continues to improve. The kids are slowly gaining more respect for others' property. They are starting to "snoop" less through their sibling's rooms, and are taking better care of their own belongings. In general, they still do better with fewer clothes, fewer toys, less "stuff." But then again, wouldn't we all?
All the kids are quite affectionate. Even the oldest is warming up more; he lets me hug him a little longer these days. They all think Daddy is the greatest dad ever. They simply love him like nothin' else!
New Favorite Books, or recently re-discovered favorites:
"Our 24 Family Ways, A Family Devotional Guide," by Clay Clarkson
"Parenting with Scripture," by Kara Durbin
"The Best of Woof," by Danae Dobson
"I Can Draw Animals," and "I Can Draw People," by Usborne Playtime
Great Website for kids in kindergarten: starfall.com
Hope this post is encouraging! It helps me, as well, to recall just how far and how fast they've grown and matured. To God be the glory!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
School's In!
While I have been working with the new kids since they've been home, this week was the first official week that EVERYONE was doing REGULAR, FULL TIME school. And what a week it's been....
First, my two oldest are in high school. This year is actually easier for me, as I don't have to drive the oldest to a science class in Timbuktu. All of their classes are done either online or via computer software, other than some Biblical education. For those of you who have known me for a long time, this transition was really difficult for me to make. I always prided myself in spending so much "quality time" with my kids in school (read "spoon-fed learning") that divorcing myself somewhat from the process was scary. Now, they are alone responsible for getting through a wealth of information, studying it, and producing projects or passing tests. And what is interesting is this: they like the new way of doing school! Perhaps this is because they know exactly what is expected of them and when; but perhaps it's because I'm not constantly breathing down their necks, expecting them to do more and do it faster!
Yes, I have struggled throughout life with "moments" (years) of perfectionism. I remember thinking before our first adoption that I could still do most of life in the same way. I could just work a little harder and get up a little earlier to get everything done. But then when the Lord put it on our hearts to adopt three more, I realized about the moment we tried to crack a book that "school as usual" was absolutely gone... not just temporarily changed, but destroyed. The Lord saw fit to show me my pride regarding home schooling, and freed me to understand that He was their teacher. He was ultimately the one to ensure that the kids would learn exactly what they needed and when. Yes, I'm to be proactive and plan and do everything that is necessary, of course. But their success or failure did not rest alone on my tired shoulders. I had to give the burden of teaching to Him.
My sweet seventh grader does get more time with mommy the teacher. I make extra time for him, both because he needs the personal instruction in math, and because I want to talk with him about what he reads. His first book this year is "Chosen By God," by R.C. Sproul. I absolutely love the discussions about the sovereignty of God and predestination. What a special treat to carve time out in the day to talk about life's "big picture." Seventh grade is certainly one of my favorite years, as children begin to comprehend and appreciate huge spiritual truths.
And then, my elementary bunch. I feel more like a drill sergeant than a teacher sometimes! We do lots of oral work, but have now added "Touchphonics" from EPS School Speciality. This is an incredible program that actually has the kids beginning to read the very first day! The program is an alternative to regular phonics systems in that it teaches phonics, word structure, and spelling in a multi sensory way. So rather than simply looking at letters and trying to remember what sounds they make, the kids are actually building words with real foam-like letters. The letters are color-coded; letter combinations that make certain sounds are joined. Thus, they utilize tactile, kinesthetic, visual, and auditory modalities to learn the language. The kids build a word, trace the word with their fingers, write the word, and hear the word in a story. Then we do it all over again the next day, using different techniques. I am delighted with their progress in just a few days!
The kids are also taking Saxon 1 Math; Miss B. is in Math 2. They are all working on handwriting, art, spelling, vocabulary, phonics, reading, and Bible. We also do quite a few learning games and puzzles still. Working with four little ones is actually easier than I thought it would be. Except, of course, if I have to leave the classroom area... then all you-know-what breaks loose!
So if you think that you simply can't add more children because you want to home school, think again! If the Lord desires you to home educate many, you may just have to adjust your idea of perfect or normal or necessary. He will always give you the time you need to do the things He's called you to do. Just the way His world works.
First, my two oldest are in high school. This year is actually easier for me, as I don't have to drive the oldest to a science class in Timbuktu. All of their classes are done either online or via computer software, other than some Biblical education. For those of you who have known me for a long time, this transition was really difficult for me to make. I always prided myself in spending so much "quality time" with my kids in school (read "spoon-fed learning") that divorcing myself somewhat from the process was scary. Now, they are alone responsible for getting through a wealth of information, studying it, and producing projects or passing tests. And what is interesting is this: they like the new way of doing school! Perhaps this is because they know exactly what is expected of them and when; but perhaps it's because I'm not constantly breathing down their necks, expecting them to do more and do it faster!
Yes, I have struggled throughout life with "moments" (years) of perfectionism. I remember thinking before our first adoption that I could still do most of life in the same way. I could just work a little harder and get up a little earlier to get everything done. But then when the Lord put it on our hearts to adopt three more, I realized about the moment we tried to crack a book that "school as usual" was absolutely gone... not just temporarily changed, but destroyed. The Lord saw fit to show me my pride regarding home schooling, and freed me to understand that He was their teacher. He was ultimately the one to ensure that the kids would learn exactly what they needed and when. Yes, I'm to be proactive and plan and do everything that is necessary, of course. But their success or failure did not rest alone on my tired shoulders. I had to give the burden of teaching to Him.
My sweet seventh grader does get more time with mommy the teacher. I make extra time for him, both because he needs the personal instruction in math, and because I want to talk with him about what he reads. His first book this year is "Chosen By God," by R.C. Sproul. I absolutely love the discussions about the sovereignty of God and predestination. What a special treat to carve time out in the day to talk about life's "big picture." Seventh grade is certainly one of my favorite years, as children begin to comprehend and appreciate huge spiritual truths.
And then, my elementary bunch. I feel more like a drill sergeant than a teacher sometimes! We do lots of oral work, but have now added "Touchphonics" from EPS School Speciality. This is an incredible program that actually has the kids beginning to read the very first day! The program is an alternative to regular phonics systems in that it teaches phonics, word structure, and spelling in a multi sensory way. So rather than simply looking at letters and trying to remember what sounds they make, the kids are actually building words with real foam-like letters. The letters are color-coded; letter combinations that make certain sounds are joined. Thus, they utilize tactile, kinesthetic, visual, and auditory modalities to learn the language. The kids build a word, trace the word with their fingers, write the word, and hear the word in a story. Then we do it all over again the next day, using different techniques. I am delighted with their progress in just a few days!
The kids are also taking Saxon 1 Math; Miss B. is in Math 2. They are all working on handwriting, art, spelling, vocabulary, phonics, reading, and Bible. We also do quite a few learning games and puzzles still. Working with four little ones is actually easier than I thought it would be. Except, of course, if I have to leave the classroom area... then all you-know-what breaks loose!
So if you think that you simply can't add more children because you want to home school, think again! If the Lord desires you to home educate many, you may just have to adjust your idea of perfect or normal or necessary. He will always give you the time you need to do the things He's called you to do. Just the way His world works.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Great Resource for Explaining Household Expectations
Joy Berry's "Help Me Be Good" series is just what we needed! Yes, yes, I've talked with my kids over and over again about lying, teasing, being mean, etc... but the message doesn't always get across. This series of books has been really great for the kids. I can read a story about a particular behavior, and then we can talk about specific issues and applications within our household. The books are short and to the point, plus they have good, easy to understand illustrations. Now, we can discuss lots of different issues without sounding like we're preaching and lecturing.
It is available on Amazon.com
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Seven Month Update
Seven months... seven difficult, frustrating... sweet, unforgettable months! Who ever said having kids was easy never had kids.
The wonderful thing with this particular post is that I simply can not identify many negative or hurtful behaviors anymore that are specific to having been adopted. The kids are thriving, and my heart continues to be filled with the joy that only being a mom and following the Lord can bring.
School: We continue to do some sort of school on a daily basis, although my brain really needed a break. Thus, we have mainly read or done flash cards over the past couple of weeks. One resource we have enjoyed is...
This is a workbook put together by Scholastic (ISBN 0-439-15391-3). The kids thoroughly enjoyed coloring the US flag, along with the flags of their mother country. This resource has great little mini-books to cut out, color, and staple.
I am pleased to say the kids are ready for kindergarten! My main goal now is just to make sure they don't forget the "basics" before school starts, and try and enjoy some down time with the family.
Creativity: The creativity of these kids is astounding! What they can put together with glue, tape, and staples never ceases to amaze me. I've gotten to the point that I don't throw out all of those Amazon boxes anymore. They might turn out to be a costume of some sort.
Food: Well, food is still an issue. My youngest just doesn't care for much variety--- but I have a 12 year old who doesn't like much either. I have just tried to make food less of a battle and offer a least one item with every meal that my sweet boy(s) will eat. He doesn't seem to be lacking nutrition, as he's growing like a weed!
Grief: Most of the grief occurs when I say "no" to something. Perhaps the kids will always have this fantasy that their birth mom would have given them anything; I'm the big, bad mommy who makes them go to bed, or makes them clean up their messes, or makes them brush their teeth. Perhaps one day they will appreciate my mothering; perhaps they won't. Doesn't matter, as I'm not here to be a friend; I'm here to be their mother.
The wonderful thing with this particular post is that I simply can not identify many negative or hurtful behaviors anymore that are specific to having been adopted. The kids are thriving, and my heart continues to be filled with the joy that only being a mom and following the Lord can bring.
School: We continue to do some sort of school on a daily basis, although my brain really needed a break. Thus, we have mainly read or done flash cards over the past couple of weeks. One resource we have enjoyed is...
Easy & Engaging ESL Activities and Mini-Books for Every Classroom: Terrific Teaching Tips, Games, Mini-Books & More to Help New Students from Every Nation Build Basic English Vocabulary and Feel Welcome![Paperback]
Kama EinhornThis is a workbook put together by Scholastic (ISBN 0-439-15391-3). The kids thoroughly enjoyed coloring the US flag, along with the flags of their mother country. This resource has great little mini-books to cut out, color, and staple.
I am pleased to say the kids are ready for kindergarten! My main goal now is just to make sure they don't forget the "basics" before school starts, and try and enjoy some down time with the family.
Creativity: The creativity of these kids is astounding! What they can put together with glue, tape, and staples never ceases to amaze me. I've gotten to the point that I don't throw out all of those Amazon boxes anymore. They might turn out to be a costume of some sort.
Food: Well, food is still an issue. My youngest just doesn't care for much variety--- but I have a 12 year old who doesn't like much either. I have just tried to make food less of a battle and offer a least one item with every meal that my sweet boy(s) will eat. He doesn't seem to be lacking nutrition, as he's growing like a weed!
Grief: Most of the grief occurs when I say "no" to something. Perhaps the kids will always have this fantasy that their birth mom would have given them anything; I'm the big, bad mommy who makes them go to bed, or makes them clean up their messes, or makes them brush their teeth. Perhaps one day they will appreciate my mothering; perhaps they won't. Doesn't matter, as I'm not here to be a friend; I'm here to be their mother.
Sibling Fighting: The picture says it all. Looks like I have a bunch of normal kids: they all want what they want when they want it... how they want it, etc., etc. Oh, and they don't want to ever be wrong or get blamed for anything. Again, thank God for normal kids! Being a parent isn't for babies, and being an adoptive parent requires a healthy, well-groomed thick skin. I'm thankful I don't have a problem with my kids not liking me sometimes. Bring it on, guys. Just rolls off the back.
General Interaction with Other Family and Friends: This is the area I see the most improvement. We recently took a short and intense 4 day trip to California. Not only were the kids cooped up in a car for 7 hours, but they had to behave at several huge and potentially intimidating family functions. They were so well behaved and considerate! Even the servers at La Costa Resort commented on their appropriate behavior and good manners.
Other: The most important lesson I've learned, practically speaking, is that newly adopted kids--- and all kids--- thrive on structure. When the day lacks structure (i.e. I need to pay bills or clean or something silly like that), the kids simply bounce off the walls, quite literally. These little people need to know what to expect in the day. Although they have been doing a lot better having free time (which translates into cutting, gluing, stapling, pasting, painting, and coloring anything that literally can't be stapled down... wow! staples are just so fascinating), they still get agitated when left to their own devices. And yes, frustration quickly gets ugly, as in fighting and squabbling. Better to keep them on schedule, as I keep stepping on those little sharp staples!
Lessons: Adoption has also taught me the resiliency of the human spirit. Four of my children came from situations that were grievous by any definition, and yet they have all responded to love, consistency, good nutrition, and discipline. I do realize that each of my children is strangely fortunate; they all lived with their birth families until they were "referred" to us to take over their parenting. I just wish the world could get this: sticking kids in institutions results in institutionalized, demoralized, traumatized, neutralized souls and societies. If we can be so "pro-life" and "child-friendly," why can't we be "pro-adoption" and "pro-sponsoring" of children in need? Are American children more deserving of love, education, and affection? Are we just so materialistic and selfish that we can't see beyond our own lives, our own church walls, and our own country? Not everyone is called to adopt, but I do believe everyone can be a responsible citizen of the world and choose to help someone else in dire need. And it doesn't take much, sometimes a dollar a day, to change someone's whole life. Generally speaking, kids--- and adults, for that matter--- can recover and love and blossom, given the chance and opportunity. People need to see Jesus through what we do, not what we preach.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Congratulations, Mom and Dad! 50 Years!
Congratulations to my wonderful parents. They just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary with a fabulous (and delicious!) dinner party at La Costa Resort. We love you! Thanks for the inspiration!
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