Six Month Update

I find it hard to believe, but the kids have now been home 6 months! I also find it hard to believe just how much I love each of these sweet little ones!

New Developments:

• Preschool:  The kids will finish preschool work within a couple of weeks.  They are doing quite well, and usually put in a good amount of effort.  We have taken a deliberately slower pace during the summer, yet the kids have completed as much work in a shorter amount of dedicated school time.  The kids all enjoy spending time on the computer, doing learning games and listening to interactive stories.  They know the alphabet (or at least most of it on a good day), colors, numbers up to 100+, simple coin counting, simple time telling--- they can use scissors, and paste with the best of them!  We will be ready to start kindergarten by August, Lord willing.
• Miss G. needs glasses:  We noticed that G. appears a bit cross-eyed in some of her photos, so we took her into see a pediatric eye specialist.  Turns out she is far-sighted, and has difficulty focusing without her left eye "wandering."  Our doctor thinks she will most likely grow out of it, and the glasses will help with the eye strain she's been experiencing. This might also help G. with her ability to concentrate and complete her school work.  Many of the worksheets, particularly the number worksheets, are in a small font size. Her lack of concentration and lack of perseverance in this work may simply be due to vision problems.
• Injera is not the favorite food anymore:  I have mixed emotions about this--- it makes my life easier, but I almost hate to see them change so much that they don't want Ethiopian food anymore.  I'm sure they'll come back to it, at some point.  The food fussiness is definitely increasing.
• More frequent, shorter duration bursts of grief:  I see this mainly in the oldest--- especially after being corrected.  The blank stares and silent tears are so heartbreaking; I just cry right along with him.  
• More sibling squabbling:  The kids have been fighting more, but I actually see some of it as a positive.  For example, the youngest doesn't just give in to big brother anymore; he feels comfortable enough to voice his opinion.  Additionally, the physical fighting is much less.  Now we just need to learn more general self control.  I do (now) see the wisdom of many agencies when they strongly suggest adopting in birth order, and recommending at least a year between the ages of all the kids.  With our bio kids, age 8 was rough.  Not entirely sure why... selfishness just seemed to ooze from them at this stage.  Anyway, with basically 3 eight year olds each vying for his or her own "rights," life has been loud, to say the least!  I have had so many wonderful opportunities to teach Bible lessons about selfishness and envy....   
• Interaction with all members of the family have relaxed and improved.  It seems like the kids have been here much longer than 6 months--- yes, that is a good report!  I have a lot of laughing, playing, and lots of joy in my house.  
• Almost no Amharic:  Yes, 95% of everything is in English.  We hear Amharic only when someone is mad... so, I probably don't want to know what's being said.
• Less lying:  Thankfully, the kids are telling the truth more often.  They are into tattling, though, in a big way.  These kiddos sure are normal!
• "I love you!" is spoken a lot, by all the kids.  I am the happy and grateful recipient of many warm hugs and spontaneous kisses throughout the day.  
• Kids like to read books more, and wish they could sit in front of the television all day.  Yes, they are quite Americanized now, and no, I don't let them sit like zombies all day.  The boys are still rather hyper, but nothing compared to a few months ago!  
• The kids thrive on structure:  they all like to know the night before what the next day holds.  I don't tell them everything early, as they get super excited about doing new things.  If they could, they would be on the go all day.  They really enjoy taking everything in, and are extremely social.  Church is a highlight of the week.  Going out for an occasional meal is easy.
• Meeting new people is easier:  The kids now have slightly better eye contact, and have at least a few times blurted out some sort of appropriate greeting.  
• Kids are starting to sleep longer:  The boys can sometimes sleep for up to 11 hours; Grace still prefers to wake up earlier, although she does occasionally sleep past 7:00 a.m.
• Big growth:  G. has grown at least three inches in 6 months; the boys, slightly less.  The boys have gained more weight than she has.  G. has only gained a pound, while the boys have gained almost three pounds each.  We have had to purchase new shoes about every 6 weeks! 
• Golf:  Yes, golf!  The kids love to go with Dad to the range and hit golf balls.  They ask to go, even in 100 degree heat.  I even caught the girls watching the Golf Channel yesterday morning.
• Swimming:  They kids' skills are good enough now that they do not require swim jackets anymore.
• Ability to delay gratification:  This is striking--- each child can now wait or "save up" for some desired item.  They can accept "no" without pouting, whining, or arguing.  
• Prayers:  The kids' prayers have changed significantly.  They are each very willing to pray in a multitude of situations. They no longer feel self-conscious or nervous to pray aloud.  I hear them thanking God for family, and they never fail to pray for their families in Ethiopia (and for many of the people associated with their adoption).  They also think to pray for other people around the world who lack food, clothing, and medical care.  

Unchanged Behavior:

• Bedtime chatter continues for the boys
• Saving everything, and putting favorite items in odd places
• Not a great deal of respect for valuables, although they are breaking almost nothing now
• One child continues to test--- consistency and follow-up is critical in this household!

I hope and pray this encourages someone.  These little ones have blessed me in such amazingly sweet ways; I am grateful for every moment I have with them.  And what is truly beautiful is seeing this new family--- woven together from different parts of the world--- coming together and really starting to love and to serve each other. May the Lord be glorified through these blessings!

Keeping Heaven in Sight

Grieving can be a positive process.

This weekend, for some reason unknown to me, prompted a return to the grieving process for Miss G.  Initially, I thought my girl was getting sick.  She does have some seasonal allergies, and she did have a stuffy nose.  But her eyes didn't have their usual sparkle; her affect was flat.  Her appetite was gone.

She asked D-man to show her where Ethiopia was on the globe.  She said, "Oh, that's were my little Zeritu lives."  Zeritu is G.'s birth mom.  True, Zeritu never raised her daughter, but that really doesn't matter to a little girl's heart.  She misses her mom.  She remembers the good, and has forgotten the negative--- thankfully.  How difficult it must be to love where you are and who you're with, but miss those you've left behind.

It's kinda like dying.

My boys' birth mom is dead.  My youngest saw her die.  He was the one who had to yell for the rest of the family to come, to help. Death, sadness, grief--- it's so much a part of our kids' make up.

But with death, sadness, and grief comes an opportunity to talk about Eternity.  My boys remember their mom reading the Bible to them. They remember her prayers--- the prayers of a dying mother preparing her boys to live on.  Grace says her mom is also a Christian, a woman who regularly prays and attends church.  All of the kids were telling me about how Jesus is going to return to earth and "take us up," and that the "bad people go down."

Now, their theology may be a bit simplified, but their thinking is right on. We talk about the day that they will be united with their mom in heaven. We talk about the day that their will be no more dying, or sickness, or pain, or crying, or starving.  All Christ's children will be together, celebrating and living on.  Every time we have these discussions, their eyes get big and wide--- full of hope.

G. knows her mom is sick.  She cries because sick equals death in Ethiopia.  We pray for her mom twice a day; and we pray that G. will have the opportunity to visit her on this earth when she's older. That makes her smile.  But we also talk about the possibility that visiting in this world may not happen.... that visiting will be up to God... but living together in heaven certainly will happen.  She can count on that.  G. cried a little more, hugging her mom's photo one more time.  Then she turned to the bedroom wall and fell asleep.

She woke up bright-eyed and ready for life the next morning. Talking--- really talking, and then praying, turning life over to the Lord--- makes all the difference to a broken heart.  And I know from my other daughter, the process will continue.  Grief and loss is simply part of my children's reality. Being armed with compassion and the Word of God turns grieve into hope.

...Heaven will be the home of relentless joy.  The greatest joy will be marrying our bridegroom, Jesus Christ. If we love Christ, we long to be with him. The next greatest joy will be reuniting with our departed loved ones... For Christians, death is never the end of a relationship but only an interruption to be followed by glorious reunion.... 


Heaven is the Christian's certain hope, a hope that can and should sustain us through life's darkest hours. But this doesn't happen automatically. We must choose to think about heaven and center our lives around it:  "Set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God's right hand... Let heaven fill your thoughts" (Colossians 3:1-2, NLT)  
                     from Randy Alcorn's Money, Possessions, and Eternity (p. 115)

Happy 12th Birthday, D-Man!

Happy Birthday, Dustman!  I can't believe you're twelve....  I am so blessed to be able to raise you, my sweet son.  I am quite excited to see what the Lord has planned for you.

This is the birthday cake T. made for D-man.  Nice work, Taylor! Delicious, too!

D-man chose to spend his birthday at home with family.  We purchased a Slip 'n Slide to celebrate.  Enjoy the photos!

Five Month Update, and a Little Advice to Those Just Starting the Process

Unbelievable! I honestly can not fathom that the three musketeers have already been home for 5 months!  B., A., and Miss G. have made quantum leaps in all areas of life--- across the board!

New and Encouraging Changes within the Past Month:

• The kids successfully and enthusiastically completed a soccer season and 2 sessions of swimming class.  Each of them displayed improved physical coordination, drastically improved endurance, and good interpersonal skills with team mates.  The kids were cooperative with coaches and with kids; each demonstrated an ability to persevere under stress and fatigue.  They do seem to enjoy a competitive atmosphere.
• School!  The kids continue to make slow, steady progress in preschool level work.  The kids now consistently know colors; they can even recognize the color names written in English.  The Kumon workbooks have been a continued source of joy and inspiration for the kids.  They feel a sense of accomplishment when they can work an entire book and actually understand a key concept.  I am so impressed with the workbooks that I even purchases a couple of them for Miss. B.  We continue to do a lot of oral work:  calendar, weather, numbers, alphabet, basic math facts.  The kids respond favorably to the structure of the day:  devotions, oral work, workbooks, snack--- workbooks, math music, Califone vocabulary cards, and puzzles or additional coloring.  School is now up to 3 hours, with fairly good attention span!  The kids all ask for more school, even on the weekends.  Sorry kids, but teach needs time off, too!
• No more bed wetting.  A 2 week use of pull-ups is all it took to get our youngest to use the bathroom.  Who knew this would be so easy?
• Manners are noticeably improved.  Although we still have issues with everyone talking at the same time, the kids are doing so well that we can now take them out to eat.  We have taken them to eat out twice now, each time with no negative issues whatsoever.  We just make sure we split up all the big talkers... and make sure we get cup with lids on them!  Everything now is just "normal kid stuff."
• No major grieving issues over the past month.  The kids are sleeping well, eating well, and display no sign of sadness, depression, or any unusual behavior.
• No more food hoarding.  
• Less and less testing.  I do not even recall an incident of any of the kids trying to test me this month.  Maybe I'm just tired....
• Ability to memorize Scripture.  This one amazed me!  Here we have kids who don't even speak English 100% of the time, but they can memorize simple verses.  My heart burst with joy when they come up to me throughout the week, rehearsing their verse.  They seem to enjoy the challenge, and definitely enjoy hearing our positive encouragement.  Truth and Grace Memory Book
• Some decrease in the hyperness of the boys.  The the boys are finding more and more activities that keep them physically or mentally busy.  "Focus!" is the mantra of our household, particularly for our oldest boy.
• The kids are far more willing and able to share.  They even helped identify items (clothes, toys, etc.) that they could donate to a local charity.  This clearly demonstrates that they are feeling infinitely more secure and safe.
• Sticker Reward System for Appropriate Behavior = Success!  See old post on chart; works beautifully!

Unchanged Behavior over the Past Month:

• No discernible increase in use of English.
• Bed time chatter continues for the boys.  
• No increase in the "acceptable foods" department.
• Lying continues, but is more of an issue in only one child--- not all three.
• Sibling squabbles continue, but hitting and physical fighting has stopped.

Areas Requiring Attention

• Stranger danger:  During a large family get-together, one of the kids retreated.  He was clearly tired and overstimulated; he hid from everyone in the front yard, not responding to people calling for him.  He was only "missing" for a few minutes, but it was an unnerving few minutes!  As a result, I did purchase a stranger safety video and had all of the kids watch.  I wasn't sure how much they really understood, but the next day they demonstrated a new awareness of potentially threatening situations.  We continue to work on some of the key ideas in the video.  I'm sure this will take some time to really penetrate.  Stranger Safety Video
• Bad language:  Initially, I thought I was not hearing correctly... but there is was again--- in clear English.  Some words (and gestures) are just universal, apparently.  I honestly thought a few months ago that some Ethiopian word must sound an awful lot like an American cuss word... little did I know that they picked up the English word(s) very early in their education.  Guess they all go through it; I'm not too concerned.

That's about it for now.  How much more encouraging or positive could this be?  Don't be frightened off by older child adoption.

If you are considering older child adoption, please do your homework and sign with a reputable organization.  Read blogs and join Yahoo groups that can offer agency feedback.  Furthermore, choose an agency that truly knows the child's temperament and as much social history as possible.  This is critical in older child adoption, especially if you have children already at home.  In my experience, YWAM's Adoption Ministry simply shines in this regard!  For us, everything stated in our children's histories rang true, and we were prepared for certain behavioral issues the kids demonstrated while under YWAM's care.

Just as important, choose a reputable agency to do your home study.  It is critical that you have a positive relationship with your social worker.  Don't try to save money here, or look for a fast process.  Get a recommendation; don't blindly choose a social worker.  Problems can and do occur in adoption; your social worker ought to be your first call for advice.  This person should be available for you, and you must feel that you can completely open up and be honest with this person.  Without a doubt, we were blessed to work with Lisa Peterson of Building Arizona Families.  I emailed her frequently, especially when the kids first came home.  I actually look forward to Lisa's visits; she is a true friend and advisor, and helped us tremendously in our transition with the kids.  That is the type of relationship you need to look for before you start an adoption.

Unfortunately, some families do experience exceptionally difficult adjustments.  Disruptions can and do happen.  I can not imagine the pain these families endure, and my heart hurts for both parents and children involved.  But please... don't allow that possibility deter you from making a decision to choose an older child.  Just plunge in, with your eyes wide open!  Don't let fear stop you, but be smart about your decision.

Final Soccer Game

Today was the final day of the soccer season; and, with great joy, the kids celebrated an exciting victory!  B. and A. each scored a goal; all of the kids played their best game of soccer yet.

The kids were a little overwhelmed with receiving two trophies... one from the league and one from their coach.  Nonetheless, they had a great experience and learned to play very well with lots of other kids.

The highlight of my day was receiving multiple hugs and kisses from my sweet, sweaty players... how good can it get?

Great job, kids!

Music Recital

T.J., Taylor, Dustin, and Blanca all performed in Saturday's AIMPA Music Recital.  Here are some of the highlights:

T-Man and D-Man performed together, playing some of D-Man's own blues material.

Miss B. performed beautifully, despite a big case of stage fright!  It'll get easier, Baby girl... really.

Here, T-Man performs an original song, "Surf of Carlsbad."  I have to say, his musical ability really threw me off guard... I had NO idea he was so talented!  T-Man is actually working on a CD that he plans to release on iTunes this summer.  Go figure!

This is T-Man performing another original song, "Anticipation of Overtones."  Just awesome!

Miss T. actually enjoys the recitals.  She seems to feel quite at home on stage; her enthusiasm for the piano shines through.

Miss T. , accompanied by Angela Anderson on piano and T-MN on guitar; she sang "Holy," by Nicole Nordeman.  This made Dad cry....  Her voice has gotten stronger; her range much broader.  I also appreciate her song choice.  She shows a great deal of maturity, preferring to sing songs that praise the Lord.

Yes, I think I need to get her a bodyguard.  She's way beautiful, inside and out.

The "crew" just prior to the performance.  What a good-looking bunch of kids!  And they all behaved for a 2 hour show!  That's a miracle, in an of itself!

B.says he just can't wait to be able to join D-Man--- jamming on an the electric guitar!

A. loves his big brother.  T-Man has lots of fans in the household, and they sure all love being "on" him all of the time.

My sweet girls

D-Man's a Camo Belt!

It's hard for a mom to watch her son spar... he likes it, though.

The camo belt is the fourth belt in D-Man's quest for a Taekwondo black belt.  

Congratulations, Dustman!

Family Invasion

This Mother's Day we had the pleasure of seeing my parents, my grandmother, and my brother--- with his family.  Uncle C. kept us entertained, as usual; I worked at keeping everyone fed, as usual.  It was fun!  Here is my brother, C., showing Miss G.  how to brag about being number one!

Here is Logan with his entourage

It was like Christmas in May, thanks to Aunt D!