Day 5: Ethiopian Court Visit, November 29, 2011

From my personal journal; sorry, no photos until court is official 

At about 10:00 a.m., our CHI driver picked us up to meet our new son. We were finally going to meet this little boy we've been praying for for a year! As our driver pulled into the Thomas Center, the stark surrounding don't prepare you for the joy you're about to encounter. The area is so poor; the tops of the walls have razor barbed wire, and the tall metal gates are constantly guarded. The van has to honk to be allowed entrance. The other family visiting with us were just as anxious as we were. What was going to happen to each of our families? Would we instantly love our kids, or would this take time? Thousands of thoughts cross your mind in those moments up to the great meeting.

As we got out of the van doors, three children (one for us and two for this other couple) bounded through the front doors of the orphanage. In my hand I held the Shutterfly album I had created for S.; it had his beautiful face plastered on the front cover. He didn't know which family was his until he saw his photo... and he instantly came running and smiled a thousand watt grin that bathed the world in glorious sunshine! One look said it all: he now had a family and he absolutely loved it!

We followed him into the Thomas Center's main greeting area and started pouring over the family photo album. Thankfully, our friend Kassa provided interpretation; there was no one on staff to greet us or to interpret for us. Kassa explained all of our photos--- who everyone was. He started kissing the photos, especially the one of Daddy and of our Golden Retriever, Rocket! He read through the book over and over again, just trying to absorb what was going on. Then he started trying to balance the paper album on his head, hoping to gain an approving smile. Little did he know he had won my heart at first sight.

The Thomas Center

The Thomas Center, dining area in view

We were fortunate to spend about 2.5 hours at the Thomas Center visiting S. Mr. S. LOVES orange soda, cookies, and roasted chickpeas. He gobbled as many off the table as he could... and in record time. He also got a lot of entertainment from the camera. All the kids wanted to get their hands on the camera, so be prepared! We also played lots of soccer and explored the front area of the Thomas Center. There is nothing for the kids to play with except for a flat soccer ball and a few sharp sticks. That didn't seem to stop the kids from playing happily with whatever they found.

What we did notice when S. was running around was that he only wants to kick with his left leg. I am not sure if he just has a cute "waddle," or is he had a sort of limp. He does not appear to be in any pain. I know he has significant burns on his left knee from falling into a cooking fire when he was young, so I don't know it that massive scarring impacts his stride. This will be something we'll have to have evaluated by a physician. I wonder if he has a limb length discrepancy?

S. is very small. He is supposed to be "around" 4, but he is wearing a 3T shoe and 2T pants and tops. He is also quite stocky. Reminds me of my sweet Mr. A.

S. plays very well with the other boys, and seems to lack the aggressiveness of most of them. He even let me hold and cuddle him. He maintains good eye contact and wants to touch my hands. He loved T-Man and Kassa, and gave them all plenty of attention. He even joked around with Kassa in Amharic!

We were them able to watch the kids eat lunch. I'm laughing inside as I watch the dining table: 8 kids, all incredibly well behaved and polite. They all prayed before eating and waited patiently to be served. (Looks like my kids at home could learn a little something here!) What particularly touched me was that he wanted to feed me, and he allowed me to feed him. In Ethiopian culture, it is a sign of affection and respect to feed each other. He touched my heart.

We said a sweet goodbye--- hugs and kisses. We both knew we'd see each other the next day, so no one was too sad.

I love him. That amazes me. Love can happen in moments! I am especially grateful to God that He allows such sweet beginnings, as I know from experience that those sweet times come and go... and come and go. I know life with this new little one will bring hardship and pain, as attachment and bonding challenges all kids and newly adoptive parents. But to just have that first day... a sweet one, at that... is an amazing gift from the Lord. I will cherish this memory in my heart all my days.


After the visit, T-Man and I spent the day visited a couple of the travel agents Kassa works with. What is keeping Kassa from getting ahead in the travel industry is not having a mini tour bus. One of the owners of the tour agency, after talking with us for quite awhile, offered to help Kassa secure a micro-finance loan AND to personally help him with car financing if he could come up with 60% (roughly $10K). Kassa was flabbergasted, and felt very encouraged. He also recommended that Kassa pray to God every day with his need. I had also told Kassa that if the Lord truly wants him to have a car, he will surely get one! Now, all I need to do if find some other people in the US who can help me raise the money. Lord, please show me who to ask. $10K is nothing for you!

Day 4: Ethiopian Court Visit 11-29-2001

Excerpts from my personal journal... parts eliminated to protect the privacy of those involved


What an incredibly emotional and sweet day! Today, we were greeted by our former Lalibela tour guide--- Kassa Akele Menale. We had wired Kassa some funds to that he could get on a plane from his home town of Lalibela and spend the week in Addis with us. Kassa looked well, although he did seem a bit beaten down by the hardships of life. He no longer looked like the happy-to-lucky young man we had just seen 2 years ago. We spent a couple of hours visiting and catching up with Kassa, and then proceeded to begin teaching him how to use his new Apple laptop and digital camera. We hoped both would facilitate his tour guide business.

Kassa, our favorite Ethiopian tour guide

After breakfast, we headed to two Addis Ababa museums. The first, The National Museum of Ethiopia, housed the bones of the infamous "Lucy." We saw fabulous ancient artifacts that pre-dated the birth of Christ. We also saw the "fossil record" supposedly documenting evolution. Again... praying in my head throughout the whole exhibit.

The National Museum of Ethiopia

Here's "Lucy,"or Dinknesh, as the Ethiopian prefer to call her...

Lucy

Other various artifacts:

Water or oil vessel, before Christ

Figurines, before Christ

Royal throne 

Lion of Judah

Ancient grave markers

Art 

Story of Solomon and the Queen of Sheba

St. George

These are obviously only a few of the artifacts and works from the museum. We would highly recommend making this visit. A guide will give you a personal hour and a half tour for less than one dollar!

We also visited the University of Addis Ababa's Historical Museum. This, too, was very interesting and required more time than we had. A person could easily spend a few hours in this one museum--- we had about forty-five minutes! Kassa kept us constantly moving through the exhibits; I felt frustrated at not being able to read many of the placards on the displays... and I'm NOT a "museum person." 

After losing my reading glasses at the museum (a big "darn it all!"), we headed back to the Ethio-Guest House for the most delicious spaghetti ever! Seems odd to get great pasta in Ethiopia, but perhaps that is one good thing that came out of the Italian occupation a long time ago! We had a lovely meal with Tsebay and Abdissa. I had a real opportunity to learn more about YWAM and how it functions within Ethiopia. I have so much to learn about his wonderful country!

Abdissa of YWAM Ethiopia Mercy Development has an overwhelming task: he directs two homes for street children, oversees discipleship training for a rather large group of young people, oversees a child sponsorship program, offers community support and small business help to families, supervises a community feeding program, helps bring water into the area (serves 300 families), and oversees other after school programs for youth. This man is smart, humble, and very loving--- and he is highly respected by the people. I can tell that by how people responded to him. Next time I feel overwhelmed with 8 kids, I think I'll turn my thoughts to Abdissa! He has more on his plate than I do!

T-Man and I spent the rest of the afternoon touring the boys' and girls' facilities. We got to see the Joshua House, home to 13 boys from the ages of 4 to 18. The girls' home (Ruth's House) currently has 8 young ladies, ages 6-18. 

Kitchen and bedroom wing of Joshua House 

Lots of laundry for lots of boys

Front Yard to Joshua House 

Everything was neat and well-maintained at the boy's compound

We learned a bit more about the compounds and how children are brought into them. It is a very long and interesting process. First, YWAM staff walks around the community. As they see children alone and abandoned, they begin to minister to them in small ways. They initially talk with the kids, determining their needs. The staff begins to share food and drink with the kids, and continues to build relationship with them. After some time, and if the child is truly abandoned and without a family, the child is offered a place to stay at one of the homes.

As an adoptive mom, I know how difficult and disruptive a "new placement" can be... and this is multiplied many times over! Yet, peace reigns in these homes. The children were very well behaved, respectful, and very happy to have visitors. They love to learn and to sign about how the Lord has had mercy on them and saved them. It was hard to believe that these kids were once without hope; they now have family and are thriving. Seeing their faces made me full of a sweet joy that only the Lord can bring.

We were truly blessed by being able to bring some personal items, clothing, and school supplies to the boys' home. T-Man also played guitar for the kids, who were so very eager to sing along to new songs. I so wanted to do MORE, but this is what the Lord sent us this time to do.

Loving the boys in Joshua House

Ruth's House

Dining table at Ruth's House

Outside of Ruth's House

Hallway to girls' rooms

Ruth's House

Because of adoption regulations, we were only able to present the birth parents with photo albums of their kids. It is so difficult to want to do more for these wonderful people, but we feel equally compelled to maintain the sanctity of adoption procedure in Ethiopia. If we were to give gifts or financial support to the family, it might be construed by some to be a form of payment for children; this is of course NOT what we want or support. 

In our particular case, we have been privileged in that we have been able to send multiple letters and photos over the last two years so that these parents could still in some way participate in their kids' lives. These parents were simply overjoyed to see us and to see new photos of their kids. We spent about 4 hours with them; we laughed, sang together, prayed for each other, and wept together as we said good bye. We even made a call home so that the birth parents could hear the sound of their children's voices. I loved every minute of our visit. God has allowed so much healing and joy to come from pain. But why should I be surprised? God is the master of healing!

Adoption is such a interesting mix of joy and grief. I have an overwhelming joy of having the blessing of more children, but I never lose sight of the fact that these children are only here because of loss and pain. They had to endure great deprivation, agonizing separation, and grief beyond what most of us can relate with. Yet, through God's mercy and His love, these kids are flourishing. And their parents have learned to endure.

I think I saw a little of what heaven will be like today. I sit here, blown away by the grace of god. I feel so unworthy to have the privilege of raising so many. I don't know how we will provide, but I feel certain that the Lord knows exactly what He is doing for and through us. Who am I do question God? God is great! Greater than we can fathom. God is good! So good, we fail to appreciate and understand. Lord, help me to understand and believe.

Days 1-3: Ethiopian Court Visit (11-25 to 11-27-2011)

The following posts are directly from my personal journal:

It all feels surreal--- sitting on a cramped, uncomfortable airline seat--- headed to Ethiopia once again. I have within me a mix of inexplicable joy and a bit of anxiety. I keep praying to push the last airline flight out of my head... He never gives us more than we can handle, right? I am determined to believe and to walk in faith. His presence comforts me immediately and I feel no fear. I am extremely grateful to God--- and very humbled by His grace. Why us, Lord? Why have you chosen to bless us in such a way? Please help me, Lord. I want to do this well.

Our flight this time around was much more palatable than the first visit. T-Man and I were determined to find some way to lessen the effects of severe jet lag, and we hoped traveling at night might be part of the answer. We initially departed Phoenix in the evening (8:45 p.m.), and headed to San Francisco. After a two hour layover, we took a non-stop United flight that landed in Washington, D.C. by 7:15 a.m. on Saturday morning. During this leg of the journey, we attempted to stay awake. I dozed a bit the last one or so, but T-Man managed to stay awake the whole journey.

We boarded Ethiopian Airlines by Saturday at 11:15 a.m.--- and braced ourselves for a 13+ hour plane flight. By this time, T-Man and I were totally exhausted and ready to sleep. We managed to get a good 7 or 8 hours of sleep on this flight so that when we arrived in Addis Ababa by 8:15 a.m. Sunday morning, we actually didn't feel too horrible. I think this travel strategy really paid off (thanks, Heidi at Susan Parr Travel!).

At the arrival, we patiently waited in the incredibly long Visa-upon-entry line. During the wait, we made instant friends with an amiable young man named Sega. Sega was adopted from Ethiopia many years ago, and was returning to visit his biological mother and family. He was planning on a long 3-month visit, and hoped to learn a lot more about his birth country.

Sega was a very articulate, well educated, charming young man of about 26. Sega was born in Ethiopia, became a citizen of Nigeria, was educated in private school in the UK, and currently lives in the US. He knows multiple languages and hopes someday to work with the United Nations. He is currently in transition again, awaiting his US citizenship papers. Sega had a very interesting, albeit unusual upbringing.

The hour and a half wait in the Visa line proved to be such an encouragement to me. Sega showed how wonderful adoption can be when the adoptive family encourages and promotes a continuation of the biological family relationship. Sega loves and adores both of his families and considers himself double- blessed. This is what I so want for all of my internationally adopted children. I pray in my heart while I talk to Sega: Lord, is this is your will for my children, please show me a way.

Finally, we managed to get through the Visa line. When we arrived at the desk, the attendant looked at us funny: our Visas from almost 2 years ago were still valid! We had not even looked at the passport dates; we just assumed we needed a new Visa. In November of 2009, we ordered Visas through Assistant Stork. I didn't recall ordering long-term Visas, but oh well. We were happy to have made a new friend while waiting in line, and also happy to not have to pay again for Visas!

Upon leaving the airport and getting plenty of Birr (Ethiopian money), we were greeted by a face we knew from the YWAM Ethiopia website: Abdissa Tadessa. Abdissa is my dear friend Tsebay's husband. Abdissa is the director for Youth with a Mission Ethiopia Mercy Development, and we were very surprised that he even had the time to pick us up from the airport--- we know he is a very busy man with many responsibilities. He was incredibly gracious and pleased to meet us; he escorted us to the airport parking lot where we were met by his very pregnant and beautiful wife, Tsebay. I got very teary-eyed seeing her; she is one of my "heart" friends. I am immediately concerned about her, as she looks very large for a woman who still has over 2 more months of pregnancy. She tells me she is in danger of developing gestational diabetes and will see a specialist later in the day. My inner prayer life is going into overdrive....

Tsebay, Mommy, and Abdissa

Sweet Tsebay, a forever friend!

After arriving at the Ethio-Comfort Guest House (Tsebay is the manager), we were greeted by delicious bunna (coffee) and lots of wonderful, warm conversation. I love Tsebay! She is a gentle, diligent, sweet woman who has managed to follow and serve the Lord in difficult circumstances. It was such a joy for me to bring her many things for her new baby. I think we overwhelmed her a bit....

After visiting for a few hours, T-Man and I headed for bed about 6:00 p.m.! We slept fairly well, despite the continuously barking dogs and screaming cats throughout the night. Note to self: remember earplugs next visit.

My Very Own Ninja

Ninja versus Batman

D-Man, touching the moon

Paper Pregnant at 48

Paper pregnant at 48 years of age... not quite what I had envisioned for my life! But it is my reality, nonetheless; a reality I am getting ready for, slowly but surely. God give me strength!

Remember all the things you used to do when you were first pregnant or initiated your first adoption? The dreaming? The planning and researching? The shopping? The organizing? The redecorating? Well, by the time you are adding number 8 to your brood, nothing is quite the same. It's all good, mind you... but it's not the same.

It's really quite entertaining for me to think about having our first child. I was first pregnant at the energetic age of 31, having been married one year. I was so excited and nervous I could hardly contain my enthusiasm! With my first son (now almost 17), I went into "nesting mode"very early. I literally cleaned out every closet and every drawer. I read countless books on child-rearing, parenting, discipline, etc. I carefully picked out new baby furniture, color-coordinating outfits, and adorable decorations for the walls. Everything had to match, from the rocking chair cover to the burping cloths and cute baby utensils. I furnished an entire library of books to read to the new baby; I even had foreign language tapes to play for my little one as he relaxed in his crib. I researched the appropriate vitamin and mineral supplements for my body; I made sure I was getting lots of exercise and adequate rest. I even had tons of frozen meals cooked ahead of time. You get the picture. I wanted to control everything in the realm of possibilities I could control. I wanted a healthy, intelligent, perfect little baby (makes me cringe to type that...). Yes, I was one of those people--- one who loved to plan anything she could ahead of time. I don't like surprises. My own little world revolved around little 'ole me. I did appear to get quite a lot done.

And then, well... God happened (and so did 2 additional biological children, and then 4 more adopted children). That's for another time, another blog. Just suffice it to say, I didn't have a clue about life or children or even marriage until the Lord rescued me from my sin and from trying to live a perfectionist's life. I've got a long way to go in the maturity department, but I praise God that I'm not where I used to be; and I know my husband would agree--- wholeheartedly! As my heart changed, my priorities changed, too. That heart change has also altered how I process this child's homecoming.

The process with number 8 has been unique from any other pregnancy or adoption process that we've experienced. From this beginning, starting with the home study, I knew my beliefs regarding adding to the family had radically changed. I finally believed with every fiber of my being that this process was totally under God's care, supervision, and provision. I knew that if He willed for us to adopt again, He would work out all the details. I knew I had to keep my hands off of it, emotionally and spiritually speaking. Contrast that with my first pregnancy and our first adoption... the differences are amazing.

With my first pregnancy, I can recall my insatiable desire to control every aspect of my child's upbringing. (Just look at the third paragraph!) I was determined that nurture, not nature, would prevail. Of course, that whole facade quickly fell apart, starting with my son's colicky, sensitive nature. And by the age of 2? Well, kids are little sinners, something I just didn't take into account! All of this "mother-stuff" was NOT in child-rearing books. But even after child 2 and 3, my quest for the near-perfect child raising, always-on-top-of things mothering was not yet vanquished.

And that's how I went into our first adoption. How tough can this be? I've already been raising 3 pretty great kids. Granted, they are not perfect, but they do seem well adjusted, loving, caring, and affectionate.  I assumed adoption would really be roughly the same as having biological children--- without the drama of pregnancy and delivery. That way of thinking started getting pushed aside very quickly as I can remember how uncomfortable our first ever home study phase was--- how odd and unnerving all the intimate questions seemed. Why all the penetrating questions to evaluate your emotional health and your parenting ability? I was determined to love and to rear this little girl the same way I had my original 3.

Of course, it didn't take me long to figure out that my perception was just that--- a perception that was truly wrong. Kids with tough beginning don't just shed their survival mode behavior because you've adopted them. The bonding that may be so natural with your biological children does not necessarily translate to your adopted children--- at least not immediately. Attachment takes intention and more time than you might think. For that reason, my first adopted child taught me more than any of my other kids; I learned just how selfish, fearful, impatient, and self-absorbed I truly was. Adoption has a keen way of shining a light on all of your "issues." Now

With our latest adoption--- and our third home study-- I've learned to  just "bare it all," nothing held back. Can my social worker see something I can't? Are there some issues currently in our family we need to address? Are we able to accept and love and teach another little one?  Do my existing children have the capacity to welcome another sibling? I now see social workers as friend and helpers, rather than as a potential adversaries. My social worker has helped me to truly accept in my spirit that there are no perfect children, perfect marriages, or perfect environments for nurturing families. I can see that I have learned to juggle fairly well, but have to admit that at times, those proverbial spinning plates wind up falling to the floor and busting into a millions little pieces. And that's okay. Life is what it is, and I am who I am. Just another cracked piece of pottery, being used by the Lord in a pretty wonderful way. My attitude during the process was much more relaxed--- trusting that the Lord would do what He felt was right and good for this family. Adoption has taught me to trust the Lord more completely, and to drawn upon Him for my strength.

How else have multiple adoptions changed me? Well, my idea of nesting is really different! With my first biological child, I mentioned all the things I bought and did. With our first adoptive child, I pretty much followed the same "buy and do" mentality. But now, my "nesting" consists of getting an annual exam, mammogram, and dental visit out of the way! It's a far cry from where I've been. I still do read lots of books, but now it's mainly the Bible and books about other adoptive families' experiences. Although we did have to purchase new furniture for the boys' room, our criteria for purchase was based on the cost and the durability of the furniture. The furniture basically has to last until the kids leave the house. Period. And I don't plan on buying any new clothes, with the exception of underwear, socks, pajamas, and shoes--- all the hand-me-downs will simply have to do. I have nothing on the walls, other than a few footprints. No new toys either. As a matter of fact, I'm cleaning everything out again, trying to declutter and to simplify the feel of the house. By the time you've had lots of kids, you finally realize that kids don't need pretty rooms, matching bedding, designer clothes, or the latest in electronic gadgets to promote bonding and attachment. In fact, having all of that stuff can actually make the home coming harder. Stuff distracts. Kids need YOU, not what you can buy. They need you to love them. Plain and simple. Simple and difficult, all at the same time.

God has certainly taught me a lot over the 17 years of having kids. I've learned incredible lessons, many of them painfully difficult and excruciatingly embarrassing. Pain is such an effective teacher, wouldn't you agree?

These are some of my initial thoughts about growing up kids: stuff doesn't matter as much as you think it does; hold onto things of this world very loosely; this, too, shall pass; God gives you what you need, not necessarily what you want; stop worrying about all the things in the world you can't control; you can only change yourself through the work of the Holy Spirit; life isn't meant to be perfect; kids do not belong to you, they belong to God--- you are a steward and your job is to model God's glory and lead them to know and love God for themselves; staying in the Word is crucial to your survival; put your husband before your children; don't try to be the Holy Spirit Jr. to your husband or to anyone else (!); pursue the path that the Word and the Holy Spirit have shown you--- don't doubt what you've heard or allow others to distract your from your calling(s); forgive yourself; cry out to God for mercy; life is indeed short, so live it fully and without regret; love deeply; remember... this is not our home, so don't get too comfortable.

I think I'm getting excited about this pregnancy. Thank you, Lord, for this blessed adventure!

Photo Book for Birthparents

Click here to view this photo book larger

Photo books are the perfect gift for any occasion.

Small Detail...

S. is in Addis Ababa, and is somewhere between 4 and 6... we think.

Yes, We're Adopting... Again!

Well, the cat's out of the bag now! Truth is: yes, we are adopting... again! And yes, it is a "God thing" again.

It is no news to many of you that the latest adoption wasn't exactly the easiest of experiences. Sure, the kids are doing really well now, but the first 18 months were rather difficult. For us to even contemplate adding another child to the brood was not an impulsive decision. Rather, it was a decision based on the realization that we really aren't too capable--- but He is. We totally understand that it's only through our dependence on the Holy Spirit that we garner enough strength and wisdom to raise 7 (going on 8) kids. It's like jumping off the side of a cliff, trusting that Someone will catch you. Guess we finally do understand that this life is meant to be walked in faith, and not by sight.

We started the update for our home study a full year ago, when we lived in West Phoenix. Then, I just asked my husband if he "wouldn't mind" simply becoming re-certified to adopt, since it is much easier to become re-certified than it is to completely start the process all over from scratch. I wanted to adopt another little girl, but Glen wasn't so sure. As a matter of fact, he said "Absolutely NOT, are you insane?" But after some time and copious prayer, Glen agreed to at least update our paperwork... but wondering all the while where in the world we were going to come up with the magic money to pay for another adoption--- and feel equipped to support another child. Yet, we moved forward, both of us sensing it was the right thing to do. We knew by this time that if God wants you to do something, He will certainly give you the necessary finances and strength to accomplish the task.

We finished our paperwork (with the exception of fingerprints), and told our agency that we wanted to adopt another little girl. We looked at adoption programs from Bulgarian and from Ethiopia. But nothing happened. Months went by. No little girl. The paperwork sat for months. I supposed it wasn't the Lord's timing for adding to our family. Or, were we done? Was this just a test of willingness? Then it dawned on me, as I'm listening to my girls yell and scream at each other: perhaps we were not looking in the right place. Perhaps it was not a little girl, but rather a little boy waiting for us.

Then I saw his little face... the day we said to our agency that we would be open to a boy. Yes. He's the one we were to pursue! Glen and I both agreed to try and make Mr. S. part of our family.

Then the next day, to our great surprise, my husband was offered a fantastic job. We pulled up our stakes in our comfortable, quiet community and moved to busy, materialistic area. My husband and I both felt this new position was sent from the Lord; my husband was not looking for other employment, and was literally made an offer over the phone! God was providing, and He did so immediately!

Upon moving, we had to update our home study again. Thankfully, our social worker is very accommodating and worked quickly to get us paper-ready. And then we quickly needed some fingerprints. As many of you know, this process alone can take multiple weeks, even months to complete. But not this time. Once we got our fingerprints done, we received them THE NEXT DAY!

We officially accepted the referral of S. at the end of August 2011. We submitted our dossier to Ethiopia just as they closed their doors for rainy season.

Just yesterday, we received notice that we already have a court date! December 1, 2011! We were absolutely shocked at the speed at which everything progressed. When God moves, there is no stopping Him!

So now we're busy checking airfares, buying bunk beds, and desperately trying to calm our brains and excited children down. Life comes at you fast sometimes... but we know it's all good.

Anyone Know What This Is?

That's One Big Stack of Paperwork!

One of My Favorite Photos

Update for Months 20-21

It's been forever since I've written a thing. Life just has a way of floating by--- sometimes at speeds that your mind and body can barely grasp. A lot has changed for our family; some of it I simply haven't had the energy to put into words.

First, my three Ethiopian children.

The only description at this point is JOY. I'll begin with our boys. My young men are completely bonded, loving and affectionate. They have left behind their anxieties and acting out behaviors; hyperactivity is reserved for exciting events. Both are progressing in school, although mommy has certainly adjusted her expectations of what makes the day a "good school day." I love and adore these boys. I honestly feel that finally... at last... they seem like they've just about always been here.

And oh how I love my newest little girl! Her dazzling smile and contagious laughter brightens any room. When she's happy, it's as if the whole world sings. My dear daughter, however, still has some behavioral and bonding issues. Mainly, I see poor self-image as the culprit. I do think part of it is the age; I remember 8 and 9 being somewhat difficult years with my biological daughter. Something between being caught between childhood and the teen years... it's a challenge for all involved. My daughter is physically affectionate, learning in school, and getting along better with her siblings. But for her, the loss of her birth mom and little brother, along with other painful experiences simply makes her transition more difficult. She has difficulty making friends and being friendly.

I am a great fan of Karyn Purvis' work. In fact, I have been working through her video series on attachment and bonding. After watching and listening to her advice, I try and put some of it immediately into action. As a result, my daughter has been very forthcoming with her history, and the stories just keep pouring out. I think this is helped her to process and accept her past trauma.

One of the conversations I just had with my ET daughter involved how she thought her birth parents viewed her. She told me that her mom loved her, but that her mom had a hard time taking care of her. She moved back and forth between her mom's home and her uncle's home. She remembers often getting in trouble for hurting her little brother; she doesn't relay any stories of cuddling with her mom or having any fun with her mom. Her mom never told her that she was being given up for adoption; one morning after a family party (her farewell party) she just said good-bye---her mom told her she was going to America. As for her birth father, my daughter recalls this (whether it is reality or imagined... it his HER reality): "My father looked at me and made a mean, growling-like face. He hated me. He wanted me to be a boy. I have had dreams that he is in hell, surrounded by fire. I went to try and rescue him, but I couldn't." This is the reality of my little girl.

As her mom, I desperately want her to feel loved, safe, adored, accepted, confident, and brave. She comes from a place of sadness, rejection, and fear. Her healing will be a process, but I am very encouraged by the progress and strides she has made. What is helping this process also is that she is just starting to internalize the Word of God. The Scripture of "overcoming evil with good" is just starting to make some sense. She is learning to be more gentle with her siblings and more kind with her words. Healing is a beautiful, although slow process. I am beginning to see the loveliness of the real girl--- she's beginning to blossom into a new creation.

My other lovely ladies are growing up and changing, too. Although the "cat fights" are still too frequent to my liking, they have certainly diminished in terms of frequency and intensity. All three of my girls are hormonal, which does not help! Additionally, my oldest daughter still struggles with adjusting thyroid levels, something that makes being 15 just that much more challenging. All in all, however, the girls are interacting on a much more peaceful basis. They are beginning to enjoy each other's company, and in fact, seeking one another out just to hang out.

My "original" boys are growing like weeds! D-Man is now taller than I am, and T-Man looks like a man now. I have always dearly loved my boys, but as I see the sweetness and kindness of their hearts towards all of their younger sibs, I feel profound joy. They have learned to put their own desires aside to minister to the needs of their big family. They too, are showing the fruits of reading and applying the Word. There truly is no bigger joy than to see your children following the Lord!

But not all has been rosy. Even those who follow the Lord see dark and dreadful days. We've had some of those lately, too.

One of my dearest friends recently passed on to Eternity. She was one of the very few people who had known me for so long--- my struggles, my fears, my anxieties, my joys--- that losing her just left a gaping hole in my heart. We always had an interesting relationship. We didn't didn't see each other very often, but when we'd talk, it was just like we had never missed a moment. We joked that we had a "Holy Spirit kinda connection." I would have dreams about her, which in hindsight always came true. This was both sweet and painful, as I knew 7 years ago she would die from her cancer. (No, I chose not to share that dream.) Other times, the dreams served to provide her some much needed encouragement during her 13-year cancer battle. I also knew the weekend she died; I literally became overcome by grief and cried inconsolably for two days prior to her passing... only to dry my face and praise the Lord when she did finally died. She lived her life well, and she showed me what holy courage looks like in the face of evil.

My biggest regret was that I did not get to say good-bye to her--- to see her beaming smile one last time. But within three weeks God also granted me that wish: I had another dream, that although it terrified me at the time. I saw her one last time--- sweet Angela, smiling from ear to ear. Her smile let me know that she was more than better--- she was alive and joy-filled! Praise God! He cares about our every need, thought, and desire. His life gives us hope and prompts us to live well.

And that is my prayer: That the Lord would continue to develop in me the strength, wisdom, and character that I need to finish my race well. I want to make My Father proud.

Updates for Months 18 and 19

What? We're moving?

Yes, it was quite the surprise for all of us... Dear husband received a totally unsolicited job offer--- a job he just couldn't turn down. The decision itself was a pretty easy one to make; the new position offers my husband a unparalleled opportunity to use his God-given medical diagnostic ability in a much more dynamic and creative way. The only issue was moving--- and moving quickly, I might add.

So after careful thought and much prayer, we left our relatively quite life in a self-contained community and moved an hour east--- but it may as well have been across the country. The atmosphere of our new community is beautiful, but it is radically different and quite upscale. We made the decision, packed, and moved within four weeks! It was crazy busy, but really positive. We knew that the Lord was providing direction and opportunity; all the "doors" flew open and we walked through all of them with relative ease. We were blessed to find a large home with a pool (the pool took much of the "moving pain" away); we were blessed to have been at the end of our lease in our current home; we were blessed to find a new church the first Sunday we attended a service. When it's the Lord's will and timing for something to happen, He will surely bring it about!

The most difficult part of the move was the uneasiness some of the children experienced. Thankfully, our yearlings have been home almost 19 months now, so the fear was not too debilitating. The kids had some expected times of anxiety and hyperactivity, but really nothing unusual. I was really quite pleased with their ability to adapt so quickly to a new environment and surroundings. I suppose when you've been through as tough a thing as international adoption is, moving an hour away is not too unnerving.

I imagine the key to my kids' adjustment is simply that they have been home long enough and they feel safe and secure. They trust us to take care of them, and to listen to and acknowledge their anxieties. I still remember the agony Miss B. went through years ago, when we did move from one state to another. Poor discombobulated Miss B. had only been home for 3 months. THAT was a difficult adjustment: Miss B. literally cried every night for 3 weeks and acted out at every opportunity. Needless to say, she transitioned well this time and set a good example for the others.

Because of the move, we have put aside formal schooling. That came at a good time for me, as my brain needed a bit of a break from the often times frustrating experience that comes with teaching English as a second language. For two of the kids, we had hit the proverbial "wall" in some of our phonics/language lessons.

The biggest educational challenge at this point is figuring out how to help my daughter with what appears to be an auditory (and perhaps visual) processing glitch. One of my sons may also have a processing issue, too, but it does not appear to be as severe.

With an auditory processing glitch, a person may have difficulty repeating what he or she hears. That person may also have poor auditory and visual memory, not being able to recall numbers, photos, sequences, or other details. A good example of this is not being able to repeat more than about 4 items at a time--- making getting through the alphabet a very time consuming and frustrating process. After doing detailed research and reading in the area of brain integration therapy and numerous processing issues, I believe my daughter and son will be helped by a variety of different modalities I can do at home. Many of the exercises we have tried are taken from Dianne Craft's work. When I unpack all of my boxes, I can pass along the materials we have started using. I do hope this will be the "thing" that helps my children learn with greater ease and less frustration.

Regarding behavior in general, the yearlings are doing very well. The bubble gum dispenser and associated treasure box system still works, thank God! And all of the kids have learned to value money and what it can be used for when managed appropriately. The kids have gone from caving to the immediate gratification of a red gum ball, to saving up eighty-some nickels before deciding what particular toy to purchase. Wonderful experiment!

Lying, stealing, cheating is at an all-time low. The kids now admit to most wrong-doings and apologizing is getting easier. Property destruction is now "normal." They all take much better care of their rooms, the bathroom, and their toys.

Food issues linger with two children. I imagine those issues may be very long term. Severe hunger does leave an evil and hard to forget impression on a young soul.

Any negativity with the kids mainly stems from my still unrealistic expectations as to where the kids "ought" to be at a particular point. Fact is, they are socially younger than their ages; I need to remind myself of it all the time. I also need to remind myself that when they do act out, I can't take their behavior personally. I need to engrave that point on my forehead!

In hindsight, I think the 18 month marker is really a major turning point for post-adoption adjustment. By this time, you've pretty much sorted out behaviors, personalities, and other idiosyncrasies--- in yourself and your kids. Life is much more relaxed and enjoyable; interaction is more natural and easy. Time heals. It is so important to be patient with yourself and your children, and to keep learning. The Lord will show you what He needs you to do and who He needs you to be for your kids. It all takes time, and a surrender of doing things a certain way. It requires you to love in a way you've never been challenged to before--- to love passionately, decisively, and with a determined spirit to never give up and always give more.

17 Month Update

Well, I just spent the last couple of days cleaning out bedrooms. Eight huge black garbage bags full of too-small clothes and extra stuff just headed for a garage sale. We also donated a few other items, as we are cleaning out EVERYTHING.

Reason for the cleaning? My wit's end!

When your social worker and agency "recommend" that you keep it simple, please listen! I thought, truly I did, that I had reduced the amount of stuff in the kids' rooms, but it turns out my version of "simple" was not really simple enough. The yearlings, even after 17 months of structure, rules, and encouragement, can not manage with more than the clothing on their backs and one pair shoes at a time. If they have drawers or closets full of clothing, they will throw it, destroy it, leave it outside, or otherwise waste these items.

I cry when I think of the amount of wasted resources.

Want to send a gift, don't do it unless you don't care if it lasts one day.

What I ended up doing is what I guess I should have done in the first place: I removed ALL clothing, shoes, and toys from their rooms. Everything we kept for the kids is now in one large plastic container--- one per child. Now, they have to ask me for everything. You need clean underwear? Ask Mom. You need shoes? Ask Mom. It is rather tiring for Mom, but I'm hoping that it will teach them to actually appreciate and take care of the items they do have. Even if it doesn't teach appreciation, at least I won't be losing my mind in the mess.

I also have a night patrol: after I have announced bed time and reminded them to pick up their belongings, if anything is left on the floor, I throw it out. I have thrown out (donated) several pairs of shoes, socks, play cell phones, hats, etc. all in just a couple of days. One child now has lost three pairs of shoes in four days. That child's response? The beginning of the week it was, "I don't care." Towards the end of the week it was, "Darn it." Hmmm. Perhaps they are starting to connect the dots.

We are still working with obeying household rules, and the gumball experiment still works (see older post). But even with all the reminding and the incentives, the two older ones still can not take much personal responsibility for their actions. Guess they are just normal kids! In fact, I still get lots of blank stares when I remind them of rules. It has gotten better, especially the lying and stealing--- great strides, in fact. But sometimes they just relapse and seem to forget everything. This is especially true if family or friends visit.

Only other comment for the month is that two of the kids still do not consistently know their ABC's. We've gone back to basics in lots of areas, it seems. Such is the continuing saga of raising lots of kids!

Recent Photos of the Fam

Mom and the Little Girls

The Three Musketeers

The Crazy Boys

All the At-Home Kids

Happy Easter!

Sweet Smiles

Nice Hair