Yesterday was hard. Waiting is hard. I know many of you can relate.
It's not that I'm not unbelievably grateful to God for my existing children... I love them all dearly--- but they are home. I know what's going on with each of them. I can hold them, and encourage them, and love them. But my little guy still waits in an orphanage, I'm sure wondering if and when mommy will ever come to get him. Little ones don't have a very good sense of time. Has he lost hope? I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and grief this Mother's Day. I just want my baby home.
I realize we could get notice of S.'s approval any day. So I haven't lost hope. It's just the waiting. It's the loss of time that I understand can never be recovered. It's just Mother's Day.
My sadness did give me a fresh perspective on how so many women must feel on Mother's Day. I felt pain for all the women who have lost children, all the women who have never been able to have children, all the women who long for and wait to adopt children. My heart breaks in a whole new way. I have a deeper appreciation of the Scripture, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12). Praise the Lord, that our true hope is in Him, not in man or in anything this world provides. How can people live and grieve without the One True Hope? I know that even if S. never comes home, I do have the One who gives me eternal life hope. He will walk me through whatever I need to walk through. I can trust Him.
That being said, I did receive some encouraging news this morning. The US Embassy, as per my request, is asking our agency to locate one of the other court witnesses in S.'s case. If one of the other witnesses will actually travel to the Embassy for an interview, S.'s case could be completed. So at least we now have 2 possible options. Perhaps the Ethiopian police will actually get around to writing a letter to the Embassy, documenting the disappearance and search for S.'s grandmother; perhaps the Grandmother's nephew will testify at an interview. Either way, at least I feel a bit of encouragement this morning. Thank you, Lord.
It's not that I'm not unbelievably grateful to God for my existing children... I love them all dearly--- but they are home. I know what's going on with each of them. I can hold them, and encourage them, and love them. But my little guy still waits in an orphanage, I'm sure wondering if and when mommy will ever come to get him. Little ones don't have a very good sense of time. Has he lost hope? I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and grief this Mother's Day. I just want my baby home.
I realize we could get notice of S.'s approval any day. So I haven't lost hope. It's just the waiting. It's the loss of time that I understand can never be recovered. It's just Mother's Day.
My sadness did give me a fresh perspective on how so many women must feel on Mother's Day. I felt pain for all the women who have lost children, all the women who have never been able to have children, all the women who long for and wait to adopt children. My heart breaks in a whole new way. I have a deeper appreciation of the Scripture, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12). Praise the Lord, that our true hope is in Him, not in man or in anything this world provides. How can people live and grieve without the One True Hope? I know that even if S. never comes home, I do have the One who gives me eternal life hope. He will walk me through whatever I need to walk through. I can trust Him.
That being said, I did receive some encouraging news this morning. The US Embassy, as per my request, is asking our agency to locate one of the other court witnesses in S.'s case. If one of the other witnesses will actually travel to the Embassy for an interview, S.'s case could be completed. So at least we now have 2 possible options. Perhaps the Ethiopian police will actually get around to writing a letter to the Embassy, documenting the disappearance and search for S.'s grandmother; perhaps the Grandmother's nephew will testify at an interview. Either way, at least I feel a bit of encouragement this morning. Thank you, Lord.
Beautifully written! I am praying for you and for dear Samuel!!
ReplyDeleteI could barely put 2 words together... darned jet lag!
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